Haitians eagerly await arrival of iPads
CUPERTINO, CA — CEO Steven Jobs announced today that Apple will ship ten million iPads to Haiti to aid the disaster-stricken country.
Featured Poop
Tea Party divided over brewed or steeped
NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- Tempers rose and tea bags flew everywhere at the first national Tea Party conference, as attendees became embroiled in a bitter dipute over the specific type of beverage referred to in their their group's moniker. "The tea that was tossed into the chilly Boston harbor over two-hundred years ...
Toyota blames acceleration problem on faulty cup holders
[caption id="attachment_7724" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Driver at risk of peeing on himself."][/caption] NAGOYA/DETROIT -- Toyota announced today is has identified a defect in the design of its cup holders as the source of acceleration problems associated with its popular Corolla, Camry, Tundra, Avalon and RAV4 models. "When a driver places a 32 ounce drink, say ...
Americans turn to Haiti for medical care
PORT-AU-PRICE, Haiti -- Scores of ailing Americans arrive in this impoverished country by the hour, seeking life-saving medical treatment -- unavailable to them in the states -- from the best doctors and nurses to be found anywhere in the world. Bookkeeper Jerry Arlindi always considered himself fortunate to be covered by the ...
Kellogg’s orders recall after child finds toy inside cereal
BATTLE CREEK, MI -- Kellogg’s has recalled two-million cases of Frosted Flakes after an eight-year-old child discovered a toy car hidden inside the cereal. Third grader Jenny Thompson was pouring herself a bowl of the delicious, sugary flakes, when the small plastic vehicle cascaded from the box. “I was really freaked out,” ...
Compulsive masturbator banned from sperm bank
DENVER – An area man has been banned from making further donations to the Heritage Sperm Repository. According to records, Oliver Kertockum visited the clinic every day for the last three years. When he arrived last Friday, however, staffers refused to hand over the sterile collection cup, and instead demanded ...
Conan O’Brien offered 5-minute show on NBC
BURBANK, CA -- Conan O'Brien is being wooed back to NBC, this time with his very own five-minute show, to be aired nightly from 11:30 to 11:35 pm. Five Minutes with Conan is the brain child of NBC Universal President and CEO Jeff Zucker, who is desperate to end a sequence ...
Voters disappointed in Brown’s lack of accomplishment in U.S. Senate
BOSTON -- Ever since Scott Brown was elected on Tuesday to fill the Senate seat once held by Ted Kennedy, Massachusetts voters have expressed their overwhelming disappointment with his inability to acccomplish anything. “Senator Brown has not introduced any new legislation and has not voted on a single important issue facing ...
Airport screener finds digested tacos in man’s colon
LOS ANGELES -- An alert security screener at LAX yesterday discovered the digested remains of two crunchy tacos concealed inside a passenger’s colon as he was preparing to board a flight for San Francisco. “I noticed this guy moving kinda slowly,” said TSA Officer Allan Parzdell. “His stomach seemed to be ...
GOP opposes ‘public option’ for Haitians
WASHINGTON -- Republican lawmakers today strongly condemned President Obama’s use of a government funded "public option" to provide medical aid to Haitian earthquake victims. “We don’t want the government to get between Haitians and their doctors,” said Congressman Buck McKeon (R-CA). “The Haitian people should be free to choose their own ...
Haiti to replace missionaries with Jews
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti -- Haitians are asking the world to stop sending missionaries to their devastated country, and send Jews instead. Thousands of Haitians crowded around the crumbling remains of the National Palace, carrying signs that read, “Jews, Now!” and “Zionism for Haiti!” For Haitians, it’s not a religious matter, but one of ...
A collection of Super Bowl commercials that CBS refused to air. (Get the full whiff...)
The Skunk News
Skunk Nation
Entertainment
Conan O’Brien offered 5-minute show on NBC
BURBANK, CA — Conan O’Brien is being wooed back to NBC, this time with his very own five-minute show, to be aired nightly from 11:30 to 11:35 pm.
Business
International
Americans turn to Haiti for medical care
PORT-AU-PRICE, Haiti — Scores of ailing Americans arrive in this impoverished country by the hour, seeking life-saving medical treatment — unavailable to them in the states — from the best doctors and nurses to be found anywhere in the world.
Economy
Americans flee to Guatemala to escape bleak job market
GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas — a native Guatemalan delicacy — from the back of a burro-driven wagon.
Science
Deer caught in headlights, unable to move
Despite ample opportunity to run to the side of the road, the animal apparently became paralyzed, allowing the two-and-a-half-ton Ford 150 to slam into it at 60 mph.
Crime
Criminals urged to apprehend themselves
LOS ANGELES, CA — In an attempt to lower costs for law enforcement, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is asking lawbreakers to turn themselves in as part of his “Arrest Yourself” campaign. He spelled out details of the program at a press conference Tuesday.
News in Brief
Recent Stink
Rejected Super Bowl Commercials 2010
Every year, television networks reject a large number of advertisements from airing on the Super Bowl broadcast. Here’s an assortment of commercials that were rejected from this year’s big
Super Bowl delayed to give fan time to purchase TV
TOLEDO, Ohio — Superbowl XLIV has been delayed indefinitely today, to give dock worker Harry Archburn enough time to purchase his first HD television set, return home and install it, without missing
Toyota blames acceleration problem on faulty cup holders
Racist councilman sues himself for slander
SANTA CLARITA, CA – A city councilman who referred to himself as a “proud racist” -– a characterization he vehemently refutes — has sued himself for slander. Councilman Bob Kellar, a former
TheSkunk.org Squeaks to 2nd Place in Annual Humorfeed Satire Awards
Editor-in-Chief Braddon Mendelson swears it’s a real award, and not something he made up just to drive more viewers to his website. Jan 28, 2010 – The name of Bernard Madoff, the disgraced Wall Street
Osama bin Laden seeks new cinematographer
CAVE SOMEHWERE – Fresh off the release of his first promotional audio tape in over six months, terrorist Chief Osama bin Laden is now shaking up his video production department. Sources close
Kellogg’s orders recall after child finds toy inside cereal
Compulsive masturbator banned from sperm bank
DENVER – An area man has been banned from making further donations to the Heritage Sperm Repository. According to records, Oliver Kertockum visited the clinic every day for the last three years. When
Voters disappointed in Brown’s lack of accomplishment in U.S. Senate
BOSTON — Ever since Scott Brown was elected on Tuesday to fill the
Airport screener finds digested tacos in man’s colon
LOS ANGELES — An alert security screener at LAX yesterday discovered
Haiti to replace missionaries with Jews
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti — Haitians are asking the world to stop sending
