McCain Discloses "No Expertise" List

SEDONA, AZ – Following his admission that he is no “expert” on the economy, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain today gave a list to the media of other areas where he is “no expert.”

The two handwritten, spiral bound volumes included categories as diverse as “The Constitution,” “Due Process,” “Separation of Powers,” “The Stock Market,” “Evolution,” “Motor Vehicle Regulations of Maryland,” “Super Delegates,” “Super Mario,” “The Federal Tax Code,” and a section he labeled “In the Bedroom.”

Emphasizing that his strong expertise in all matters military would counterbalance his lack of acumen in everything else, McCain told reporters, “It’s clear I’ll be your ‘one-note’ president. I might not have a handle on most of the issues facing Americans, their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations — those things are as mysterious to me as the Federal Reserve — but as long as we continue spending tens of billions of dollars a month killing people in Iraq, through at least the presumptive eight years of my time in office, I will presumptively execute the duties of your presumptive commander-in-chief, to the best of my presumptive abilities.”