McCain to Highest Court: Annoint Me

John McCain has asked the Supreme Court to intervene in the 2008 presidential elections, by issuing a ruling that would make him the President, effectively ending the hopes and dreams of millions of Americans. “They did it in 2000,” said McCain, “so there’s already precedent for this. I’m not just asking for some outrageous favor.”

Amid cries of unconstitutionality from Alan Dershowitz, Michael Moore, Sean Penn and other prominent uber-liberals, Associate Justice Antonin Scalia said the request was not “beyond the realm of conceivability.”

“The Supreme Court is the ultimate decider,” said Scalia. “We declared George Bush the president in 2000, despite the overwhelming majority who rejected him at the polls, and we’ll do it again, if our whims so carry us in that direction. So get over it.”

McCain asked that a ruling be issued before the Democrats lock-in their nominee. “After their convention, it’s all over,” noted McCain, “if I don’t become president before then by some extraordinary, heroic measures, I’m going down faster than I did in North Vietnam.”