Brothers Joshua and Michael Claremont, the DNC staffers who came up with the baffling “Super Delegate” nominating process, have been tapped by the federal government to revamp the tax code.
“These fellows did such a bang-up job with our convoluted process of selecting a presidential candidate,” said Senator Max Baucas (Dem-MT), Chariman of the Senate Finance Committee, “we felt they were the perfect choice to make our system of income tax even more baseless and irrational.”
The first change the Claremonts instituted was to give the IRS a team of “Super Auditors.”
Explained Joshua Claremont, “Say you send in a perfect tax return and pay everything you owe. A Super Auditor has the authority to arbitrarily decree that you owe more taxes.”
Super Auditors will be selected haphazardly from “ordinary citizens who have done favors for the IRS in the past.”
“The real beauty of this,” added Michael, “is they don’t have to tell you what your total liability is until the day your taxes are due. They have the right to keep changing their minds.”
Super Auditors have the authority to declare a taxpayer immune from paying taxes for the rest of their lives, according to the Claremonts, “and then when April 15th rolls around – BOOM – they can take your house.”
Next up for the fraternal consultants? “Super Policemen,” said Joshua. “– an elite team of law enforcement officers who throw probable cause to the wind and decide which laws – real or imagined – they choose to enforce.”