McCain to Form Committee on Pandering

John McCain to Form Committee on PanderingJohn McCain has formed a committee to track down Americans to whom he has not yet pandered.

McCain said there are still many sections of the American population who have yet to hear his message tailored just for them.

According to a top campaign aide, “The McCain Committee on Pandering will locate unpandered-to populations within the fifty states, assess what message it is they want to hear from their candidate, and then John McCain will echo it back to them in a clear and concise manner.”

“Senator Obama often says things that people don’t want to hear,” said McCain in a telephone interview. “I take positions that are on target with my respective audiences. Which person would you rather have as president?”

The campaign aide said McCain will not only pander throughout the campaign, but will continue to do so even after he is elected president.

“Let it be known that I will travel across this great land of ours,” said the senator, “kowtowing to public opinion and paying lip service — not just to the millions of potential voters out there — but to all the citizens of the world.”