Barack Obama to Open for Led Zeppelin

CHICAGO — Barack Obama will be the opening act for Led Zeppelin’s “Man Are We Old” 2009 World Reunion tour, replacing Toto, the aging rock band that broke up earlier this year. 

The Senator’s three-hour and seventy-five minute presentation will include audience favorites such as “Hope Early, Hope Often,” “I Don’t Look Like The Presidents On The Money,” and “I Was Right and She Was Wrong (Ode to Hillary).”

In addition, the Democratic presidential nominee will be performing selections from his upcoming CD, “McCain Can Suck McCock,” including “Once I’m President, I Be Speakin’ Dis Way!,” “Now for my Secret Muslim Plan,” and “Half-Black, Half-Right.”

A spokesperson for Led Zeppelin said Obama was not their initial choice, “but after seeing the John McCain campaign ads depicting him as this humongous rock-star, we thought ‘Hey, maybe he could hook us up witih Paris Hilton.'”