Bush Set to Attack “Life Forms” on Mars

NASA’s recent confirmation that water exists on Mars has the White House maneuvering in an offensive posture. Should scientists discover life on the red planet – including the tiniest microbes — President Bush said he is prepared to launch a preemptive attack with the “full force of the United States military.”

“Any bacteria found up there would be irrefutable evidence that Mars has biological weapons,” the president said, “and would be a serious threat to the liberties we enjoy here in the United States.”

Bush has given Mars 30 days to disclose the location of its germs, bacteria and other microorganisms, or face severe military consequences.

A spokesperson for Mars could not be located.