Statutory rape to be legal in Alaska

JUNEAU, AK — Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, the Republican Vice Presidential nominee, has proposed new legislation that would legalize sexual relations with a minor.

“Bristol’s Law,” named after Gov. Palin’s 17-year-old daughter who was impregnated by an 18 year old hockey player, will make it legal for an adult to have sex with an underage child provided the following provisions apply:

1) No condom, or other form of birth control shall be used; 2) the victim must not have received any education concerning the human reproductive system; 3) the victim must become pregnant as a result of the act; 4) the victim must carry the pregnancy to full term; 5) the victim must agree to marry the perpetrator.

If any of those conditions are not met, the perpetrator shall be prosecuted for statutory rape to the fullest extent of the law and listed in the National Sex Offender Registry.

If the perpetrator adheres to these provisions, however, he shall be welcomed into the victim’s family as an outstanding Republican.