NEW YORK, NY — While taping a segment for the TV show, “The View,” John McCain announced a new economic plan, where citizens would be paid one-thousand dollars each to cast their vote for the senator.
The money, distributed in newly printed one-hundred dollar bills, would be coming from private sources. “That’s the beauty of it,” said McCain. “It’s my wife’s money; it doesn’t cost the government a thing. Unlike Senator Obama’s rebates, this one will spur the economy and not take one cent away from the oil companies.”
The cash will be paid to voters on the spot, as they leave the polling places on November 4th. “Our volunteer staff members — hand-picked by Rudy Giuliani — will go to the polls with you,” said McCain, “to assure that you correctly cast your ballot for the McCain ticket, and we don’t have one of those Florida fiascos.”
McCain added that citizens will also be given a free tire gauge for each Republican senator and congressman for whom they vote.