WASHINGTON, DC — No sooner had he been sworn into office than President Barack Obama ordered his staff to remove all traces of his predecessor George W. Bush’s DNA from every room of the White House.
“It was clear from the start that Obama planned on overturning all of the former president’s executive orders,” said one aide, “but then he issued his own directives, instructing us to remove every Bush fingerprint and fiber that we could find.”
The White House staff has contracted with a team of forensic investigators and a fire restoration company to comb through the house and eradicate the Bush legacy, torching tiled floors to eliminate microscopic Bush skin particles and repainting walls to cover suspected Bush-touch areas.
The nation’s top nuclear scientists are working around-the-clock, irradiating the Presidential bathrooms to vaporize Bush fecal bacteria down to the smallest molecule.
“Our 44th president wants the country to completely forget we ever had a 43rd president,” said the aide. “He’s obsessed with completely erasing the Bush presidency from history books, and sees the cleansing of the White House as a symbolic start.”
To assure that all memories of the first eight years of the new millennium fade away from public consciousness, President Obama has called upon Phil McGraw, best known to TV audiences as “Dr. Phil,” to assist the nation in what can best be described a mass hypnosis.
“Bobby Ewing woke up one day and the entire previous season was just a dream,” said McGraw, referring to a controversial plot point in the 1980s prime time soap opera, “Dallas.”
“That’s what it will be like for the American people. President Clinton left office, we all went to sleep and awakened to a new day in America with our first black President.”
Critics to Obama’s Bush-erasure policy claim that Dr Phil is not an expert in hypnotherapy, yet alone mass hypnosis.
“Are you kidding,” responded Obama. “You ever see his TV show?”