HORN OF AFRICA — Referring to themselves as rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves, modern-day Somalian pirates have fashioned themselves after characters from Disney’s “Pirates of the Carribbean.”
The real-life pirates, who have been marauding, embezzling and even hijacking international ships in and around the Indian Ocean, claim to be the first criminal organization to base their operation upon a movie that was based upon a ride.
“We all see dat movie at least one hundred time,” said Bohan Lemurra, the pirate captain of the Eastern Indian quadrant. “And sometime we go on Disney attraction whenever we in Southern California.”
First Mate Jacola Millibent grew up admiring the Disney pirates. “Yesterday, we all just average working man from Mogadishu,” he said. “Today, we pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot .”
Lemurra nodded in agreement. “Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho.”
It’s widely assumed the Somalian pirates — who dress more like third-world street thugs than the colorfully adorned Disney buccaneers — will continue to kidnap and ravage without giving a hoot.
“We take inspiration from famous American pirate, Johnny Depp,” said Lemurra.
“And that fat pirate sitting on bridge in Disneyland ride,” added Millibent, who produced a harmonica from his pocket and played a “C” note.
“Yo ho, yo ho,” they sang together, “a Somalian pirate’s life for me.”
With that, the pirates boarded their hijacked Liberian oil tanker and set sail for adventure, searching for passenger vessels or even a canon-loaded schooner to “extort, pilfer, filch and sack.”