TEHRAN — After an exhaustive recount of the election results, the Iranian ruling clerics have determined that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won their country’s election by a far greater margin than previously indicated, garnering 110% of the vote.
“It’s clear that every eligible citizen has cast their vote for Ahmadinejad,” said Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, “plus an additional ten percent of people we don’t even know about.”
The clerics called the new tally a “vindication from God” [of the election results].
“This shows the world that Iranians are one big happy family,” said Khamenei, “who would rather obey their ruling leaders than get shot in an alley over silly ideas.”
“This is a huge validation of our democratic system of government,” declared President Ahmadinejad. “Countries in the West should shut up and learn from us.”
Ahmadinejad noted that as more and more dissidents disappear under unusual circumstances, he expects to win the next election by an even larger margin