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Today is: Saturday, September 20, 2014

Madoff Looks Forward to Life After Prison

Bernie Madoff looks forward to life after prison.

NEW YORK — Convicted financier Bernie Madoff, sentenced to 150 years for perpetrating the largest financial scam in history, remains optimistic about life after prison.

“Once I’ve repaid my debt to society,” he told reporters,” I look forward to enjoying the world of the future.”

Madoff said that by the time he is released, “people will most certainly be able to levitate and the world will speak one global language.”

He credits his immense curiosity as the driving force that will keep his spirits up until the end of his sentence, sometime in the summer of 2159.

The disgraced financial guru said the first thing he’ll do when he’s a free man is go to the library and look up his own name. “I wonder if historians will have figured out exactly how I did it,” he laughed, “and how much money I stole.”

He also plans to write his own musical, incorporating dozens of familiar Broadway songs. “They’re all going to be public domain,” he explained. “No royalty payments. Ka-Ching!”

Madoff looks forward to relating tales of 21st century life to his descendants and hopes he’s not a burden to his great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandchildren.

“Just thinking about tomorrow,” he sang, “clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow…”

0 comments on “Madoff Looks Forward to Life After Prison

  1. TheSkunk.Org says:

    Madoff looks forward to life after prison: NEW YORK — Convicted financier Bernie Madoff, sentenced to 150 years.. http://tinyurl.com/knewzb

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