Insurance Lobby Denies Pay to Heckler Due to ‘Pre-Existing Ignorance’

August 15, 2009

BOZEMAN, MT — A powerful insurance lobby today denied compensation to a man it hired to disrupt a town hall meeting on healthcare reform, asserting that he had “pre-existing ignorance.”

A spokesperson for the Insurance Lobby of America said they hired Milo Gunther to interrupt his congressman’s town hall meeting by shouting out ridiculous statements and unsupported claims, but later discovered that Gunther had a track record of touting “screwy shit” to people all his life.

“Gunther never disclosed that he had previously declared public transportation to be a socialist government takeover,” said a spokesperson for the lobby, “or that Americans will be required to have their phone numbers tattooed on their foreheads.”

The ILA also uncovered a letter Gunther had written to the Bozeman Tribune, asserting that the moon landing was faked, John F. Kennedy is alive and living in a retirement home with Elvis Presley on an island owned by Ashton Kutcher, and aliens are living inside his rectum.

“Under the Heckler’s Agreement Mr. Gunther entered into with our organization,” explained the spokesperson, “the pre-existence of ignorant assertions he made prior to the ones we asked him to deliver disqualifies him from compensation.”