Man gives right nut for a beer
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GARDEN GROVE, CA – Lee Joseph Flanders told the clerk at the corner liquor store last Wednesday that he was so thirsty he would “give his right nut for a beer,” but when he reached for his wallet to purchase a 32-ounce Molson Lager, he came up a few dollars short.
The cashier told him not to worry; he would indeed accept the man’s right testicle in payment.
“I knew it was going to hurt,” said Flanders, an engineering student at California State University, Long Beach, “but man, I really, really needed to have a beer.”
Flanders went outside to his pickup truck, where he kept a tool case and a first aid kit. He returned moments later with an oozing orb wrapped in a red bandana, which he handed to the clerk.
“I thought he was joking,” remembered assistant store manager Larry Moss, who waited on Flanders. “Then he sets this severed fleshy thing right on the counter in front of me, and I’m like, ‘Go ahead, take the beer and get the fuck out of here.’”
Flanders limped out of the liquor store, carrying his bag of Molson in one hand and applying direct pressure to his groin with the other.
“I called the police to come and remove this guy’s right ball from the premises,” recounted Moss, who was subsequently taken aback at the officers’ description of the object as a “Human Testicle – Left Side.”
Moss, who said he feels “totally ripped off,” has banned Flanders from ever returning to his place of business.
“If that lying S.O.B. ever sets foot in here again,” warned the liquor clerk, “I’m going to chew him a new asshole.”
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