In a press release issued today, Proctor & Gamble Co. announced its latest product, “Ethnic Cleanser,” would not be available for Christmas as originally planned.
Launch of the new brand — which was to be sold internationally with the tagline, “Scum of the Earth – Watch Out!” — has been put on hold indefinitely, pending a multi-billion dollar lawsuit filed by Jews, Muslims, Serbs, Kurds, Albanians, Gypsies, Turks, Africans, Palestinians, Russians, Iranians, albino circus performers, Scientologists and the French.
“It’s outrageous for this company to market a product named for a horrendous crime against humanity,” said John Hardax, an attorney representing the plaintiffs. “If it were up to me, the responsible parties would be lined up against a wall and shot – preferably in a public square.”
Hardax said when he is done with them, the defendants will be “left penniless to grovel in the streets,” and that P&G will be “wiped from the face of the earth.”
“Text books will be rewritten,” noted Hardax, “so that future MBA graduates won’t even know a company by that name existed.” He added that anybody even remotely associated with the firm will be included in the lawsuit, and has asked the judge to order all employees to wear a blue “P” on their arms to identify them.
Proctor & Gamble has since pulled the product from its slate of cleaning goods and offered an apology to anyone who was offended.
“We stand behind our products,” said a P&G spokesperson. “Ethnic Cleanser is a superior cleaning solvent, that is both effect and environmentally friendly. We’re sorry that so many people took it the wrong way.”