New Arizona Law Says Life Begins at Fantasy
PHOENIX (TheSkunk.org) — Arizona lawmakers voted to pass legislation that defines life as beginning the moment a person fantasizes about having sex.
“If you daydream about fornicating with someone, you better be prepared to carry out the deed and have it result in a pregnancy,” said Arizona State Rep. Kimberly Yee (R-Phoenix), who sponsored the bill, “or you will be charged with murder.”
The law applies even if one fantasizes about a totally made-up, fictional person. “If you’re a man and you imagine yourself having sex with a fictional lover,” said Yee, “you will be required to also fantasize about that imaginary person getting pregnant and giving birth to an imaginary child – otherwise, you will be charged with murder.”
Conversely, noted Lee, if a woman fantasizes about making love to a fictional man, “she better be prepared to make-believe she is pregnant every day for nine-months and give birth to a pretend child – or she will be charged with murder.”
Under the proposed law, a citizen is not permitted to even think about terminating an imaginary pregnancy. “If you create a scenario in your head of sending your pregnant fantasy lover off to get an abortion – or of performing the abortion yourself – you will be charged with murder.”
If two fictional characters in a novel think about having sex with one another, according to Yee, “the ending of the book will have to be re-written to reflect a pregnancy and birth – or the author will be charged with murder.”
“If a man gets an erection for any reason,” explained Yee, “– a thought, a touch – even the so-called ‘piss hard-on’ – and it doesn’t end with a pregnancy that is brought to full term – that person will be charged with murder.”
To illustrate provisions of the new law, Yee used herself as an example. “If some married guy in Tucson fantasizes about copulating with me as I wrap my long, silky legs around his back and cry out in ecstasy, yelling, ‘More! More! Don’t Stop! Don’t Stop!,’ undulating my thriving body to the beat of a Ted Nugent album in the background, he will be required by law to find me, inject his seed into my shaved, perfumed woman-part and get me pregnant – otherwise he will be charged with murder.”
The one exception to the law permits citizens to freely fantasize about having sex with Governor Jan Brewer without any repercussions. “If that’s what someone chooses to think about,” said Yee, ”that’s punishment enough.”
Get The Skunk delivered to your inbox for free here.