BOSTON (TheSkunk.org) — Mitt Romney surprised pundits on both sides of the aisle today when he announced his wallet will be joining the GOP ticket as his vice presidential running mate.
“After an exhaustive search for potential candidates,” said the presumptive Republican nominee at a rally in front of the state capitol, “my wallet turned out to be the most qualified. It has experience and the respect of the financial community.”
The wallet, a Pierre Cardin leather trifold, accepted Romney’s invitation after being vetted for several weeks by campaign officials.
“We didn’t want to make the same mistake McCain made with Palin,” said one campaign aide. “We looked into every aspect of its life; we turned it inside out, and we liked what we saw.”
“I’ve personally known my wallet for over twenty years,” noted Romney. “It’s leather with 24 karat gold thread used in the stitching. Once the American people get to know my wallet, I’m sure they’ll fall in love with it the way I have.”
Romney told the enthusiastic crowd he looks forward to his wallet debating Joe Biden on the serious issues of the day. “It will be a vice-presidential debate unlike any you’ve ever seen.”
According to the former Massachusetts governor, there is only one qualification for vice president that really matters. “Can it step in at a moment’s notice and be president?”
Answering his own question, he said, “Absolutely yes. My wallet would make a dandy president.”
“I’m delighted to have it in my back pocket,” added Romney, “where I’m sure it will get along fine with the rest of the Republican establishment.”