WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — In the week since their candidate’s dramatic loss to Barack Obama, Republicans have been reflecting on the results of the 2012 presidential election, trying to find an explanation for the humiliating defeat that left their party shell-shocked and grieving. One theory keeps resurfacing in GOP circles: Voters marked their ballots for Obama in greater numbers than Romney.
The theory has gained so much ground, that Republican Party Chairman Reince Priebus blames the defeat entirely on the voters.
“We’ve analyzed poll data from around the country,” said Priebus, “and there’s no doubt in my mind that Governor Romney would have won easily, were it not for the so-called ‘Obama Supporters,’ who voted for the President in astronomical numbers because they believed he would do a better job.”
Priebus called it “dirty politics,” saying that “anyone can win an election if they have more people vote for them than the other guy.”
An irritated Rush Limbaugh said the anti-Romney voters stole the election by voting together in a huge block to elect the president. “It’s the biggest conspiracy this nation has ever seen,” claimed the blustering talk show host. “Let’s just have everybody go out and vote for the same person. It makes a mockery of our democracy.”
Donald Trump agreed. ”What we saw in this election is no coincidence,” alleged the billionaire real estate mogul. “To have that many people vote for the same guy in the same election, Obama must have gotten to them during the course of the campaign and convinced them or influenced them or somehow won them over. That’s not how we do things in this country, but you wouldn’t know that unless you were born here.”
“The math makes it very clear,” said Limbaugh. “If four million of the people who voted for Obama had never been born – or if they had been born and suddenly disappeared off the face off the earth before the first polls opened – Romney would have come out on top.”
Sen. Mitch McConnell called for an investigation into the way the Obama campaign “rigged the election with voters who favored the President over his opponent.”
“It’s ballot stuffing, pure and simple,” said McConnell. “If the only way one party can win an election is to entice more people to go to the polls than the other guy and vote for their candidate merely because they like him better, I fear for the future of our republic.”
“It’s very clear to anyone who looks at the numbers,” declared Priebus. “Obama won this election in a completely unethical manner, by persuading a disproportionate amount of people to mark his name on their ballot instead of Governor Romney’s. “
“It is a sad day for America,” added Priebus. “Millions of voters chose to install Barack Obama in the White House instead of a car elevator.”