5000 New Starbucks to Open Inside Starbucks

NEW YORK (TheSkunk.org) — Starbucks announced today that it will be opening 5000 new Starbucks cafes inside existing Starbucks.  The plan, which would boost sales of their products by 200%, was announced at the company’s investor day in New York Wednesday.

The store openings will ease the problem of customers not having anything to drink while waiting in line to order their drink.

“Some fat guy standing in line for an agonizing long period of time to order, for example, a 460 calorie Java Chip Frappuccino,” explained CEO Howard Schultz, “will now have the opportunity to purchase, say, a Caramel Brulee Frappuccino – or perhaps even a scone — while he waits.”

Schultz brushed off criticism the plan would create confusion and chaos among consumers, calling such accusations “sheer nonsense” and claiming it would actually create a more pleasant consumer experience.

“While you’re standing on your feet 10 to 20 minutes to purchase a latte, you might be wishing you could be drinking a latte,” noted Schultz. “Now you can.”

“There will be a Starbuck’s right there next to you,” he added,  “so you can get your beverage before you storm out the door empty-handed.”