The New Year brings with it a plethora of new state laws.
As a public service, The Skunk has assembled a list of the ten most important ones you should know about.
We are happy to present them here for your enlightenment.
Infant Barroom Brawling Ban
As of midnight on January 1st, it will be unlawful to engage in a violent barroom brawl with an infant before 2 am.
Southwest Beautification Act
It will be illegal for anyone to display a photograph, illustration or other depiction of Governor Jan Brewer’s face in broad daylight — or at nighttime under bright lights.
Real-World Driving Test
The DMV will require motorists to prove they can drive safely drinking a Grande Mocha Latte from one hand and using the navigation feature of an iPhone with the other, while an angry passenger screams at them from the back seat.
Angry Old Person Law
Persons over the age of 75 are limited to one angry outburst per month, and it cannot be directed at a total stranger.
Religious Tolerance Law
Employers are no longer allowed to look quizzically in the face of job applicants and ask, “Are you a Jew?,” unless done with a comically over-the-top Southern accent.
Sacrifice Permit Fee
Virgin sacrifices to the Mauna Loa volcano will no longer be allowed without prior payment of a $15 license fee. Applies to tourists and non-residents only.
The Tropical Fruit Establishment Act
Cash incentives will be made available to farmers to stop planting corn and replace their crops with bananas, pineapples and something called “grumichama.”
Nathan Lane Prohibition
Nathan Lane will no longer be allowed to star in a Broadway musical, unless all other options have been exhausted.
Human Lizard Nesting Law
It shall be unlawful for persons who are half-man/half-lizard to deposit their eggs in a public facility, except as prescribed by law.
Hunting License Waiver
Hunters will no longer be required to purchase a hunting license if they’ve been drinking beer and are really eager to shoot something.