WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — The American Automobile Association today accused the Obama administration of plotting to confiscate motor vehicles from registered owners throughout the country.
“If the government sends their black helicopters to come after our cars,” said AAA President and CEO Robert Darbelnet, “they will be in for the fight of their lives.”
A spokesperson for President Obama said there are no plans of any kind to introduce legislation dealing with the ownership of automobiles, but Darbelnet sees that as a smokescreen.
“They want to take away all our cars – and motorcycles, too ,” he explained, “in a misguided attempt to increase funding for public transportation.”
Darbelnet believes it is one of Obama’s top priorities to “grab our cars and make us slaves to buses, subways and sidewalks.”
“Automobiles are the last defense against tyranny,” he stated. “If the government comes after us, and our guns don’t stop them, then we need to get inside our cars, roll our windows up and play our Abba CDs real loud.”
Darbelnet warned that the car seizures could be coming within months. “And they’ll make it illegal for motorists to purchase new ones.”
A video on the AAA website declares: “The President gets to drive around in a fancy limousine, but he doesn’t want you having a car. He’s not only a fascist; he’s a hypocrite.”
Following the announcement, car sales have shot up 300 percent around the country, as drivers stock up on minivans, pickup trucks and hybrids.
In the monthly AAA newsletter, Darbelnet explained to his members that the government is planning to cite the increase in traffic accidents as justification to send “car grabbers” to every American garage.
“Just because there are some deranged people out there who cause a lot of accidents,” he said, “the law-abiding car owners of America shouldn’t have to give up their rights of vehicle ownership.”
“The only thing that stops a bad driver with a car,” he added, “ is a good driver with a car.”