Wayne LaPierre ‘Terrified’ by Guns

WASHINGTON  (TheSkunk.org) — In a stunning admission, NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre told reporters Thursday that he is “absolutely terrified” by guns and has never fired one in his entire life.

“Just because I would personally never own a firearm, doesn’t mean I can’t advocate on behalf of those who do,” said LaPierre.  “It’s like a lot of the representatives of the tobacco industry who don’t smoke.”

The millionaire gun lobbyist said the thought of having a cache of loaded weapons inside his house would keep him up at night. “Someone could break into our house while we’re asleep and use one of them on my wife or me,” he said. “But that shouldn’t stop you or any other law-abiding citizen from hoarding as many guns as you want inside your closets or under your beds. It’s just not my cup of tea.”

LaPierre recounts an episode from his youth, when he went skeet shooting with his uncle. “The moment he put that shotgun in my hands, I realized this was something that I could never do,” he said. “I felt all queasy and I passed out.”

Despite his uneasiness being around firearms, LaPierre insists on purveying his now infamous mantra: “The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a guy is a good guy with a gun.”

“Just don’t count on me to be the good guy,” he added. “I’d prefer to pick up my cell phone and dial 9-1-1, thank you.”