George Zimmerman Rescues Family From Car Wreck, Then Shoots Them

Sanford, FL ( — George Zimmerman, the man whose acquittal in the Trayvon Martin shooting death evoked nationwide outrage, pulled four family members from a burning, overturned SUV on Monday, then proceeded to shoot each one to death. He claimed to be acting in self-defense.

According to Zimmerman, after pulling the injured victims from the vehicle, he immediately began administering first aid. The family members then approached him one at a time and repeatedly slammed his head into the right fender until he was in a state of “semi-consciousness.”

Zimmerman recounted that he told the family he “didn’t want any trouble,” then – fearing for his life — pulled his pistol from its holster and fired a single “warning shot” into each of their chests.

A spokesperson for the Attorney General said Zimmerman will not be charged with a crime, citing his bravery and heroic efforts in rescuing the family and the recently enacted Florida “Even-Steven” law that allows a person to kill someone he has just saved.

“If he hadn’t rescued them, they wouldn’t be alive in the first place,” explained the spokesperson.  “So I don’t know what the big deal is.”