Donald Sterling to Sell Clippers to Cliven Bundy

LOS ANGELES ( — Racist owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, Donald Sterling, whose admonishment to his girlfriend against publicly associating with black people caused him to be banished for life from the NBA, has agreed to sell his team to racist farmer Cliven Bundy.

Bundy, who recently wondered aloud if “the negro” was better off under slavery, said the money he has accumulated as a result of refusing to compensate the government for the grazing of his cattle on federal lands has allowed him to purchase the team “at a hefty price tag” from Sterling.

Bundy and Sterling reportedly sat across the table for hours in a closed-door meeting before an agreement could be reached. “I hope I never have to look at another Jew again,” said Bundy, when asked about the negotiations.  “All they do all day is sit around thinking about money. They don’t even know how to build pyramids anymore.”

Bundy said he wondered whether “the Jew” was much better off under the Egyptian system.

The NBA Board of Governors still has to approve the sale.  Commissioner Adam Silver referred to the deal as “disturbing, at the very least,” and doubted team owners would green-light the transaction. “I don’t understand why these hateful bigots would want to control an organization comprised primarily of African-Americans.”

But Bundy sounded more confident.  “As soon as the deal is complete, I will be the owner of fourteen strong and muscular negroes – negroes who will never have to sit idly on a porch waiting for their government subsidies.”

Sterling told reporters he hopes the sale puts this whole “unpleasant chapter” in his life to bed. “Now that I’ve unburdened myself of the Clippers,” he lamented, “I hope I never have to look at another black person again as long as I live.”

“Unless,” he added, “it’s a hot teenage girl who wants to suck my dick for a Ferrari.”