Happy Skunk Day! I bet most of you didn’t even know this was a holiday. That’s right, it’s National Skunk Day again, and boy, do we have a lot to celebrate.
Of course, it’s a day to honor those little varmints who lend their name to this very publication: those affection little black-and-white critters who look all cuddly and cute, but will mess you up if you treat them wrong (or if they just feel like it).
But there are other skunks out there in the world who deserve some notoriety, and we feel we would be remiss if we didn’t mention them, too, on their special day.
So here is your list of the 2015 Honorary Skunks:
- Ted Cruz, who chairs the Senate Committee on Science, yet is one of the biggest deniers of scientific fact. “Many of the alarmists on global warming, they’ve got a problem'” he said, “because the science doesn’t back them up.” Ummm, yes, Ted, the science does back them up. Mr. Cruz is either breathtakingly ignorant or he is intentionally lying to protect the interests of the big oil companies who line his campaign pockets. Either way is rather skunkish, we think.
- Rick Perry, who, while Governor of Texas, was indicted for abuse of power and coercion of a public servant, yet feels morally qualified to condemn the choices made by woman and gay people. “Would you rather live in a state like this, or in a state where guys can marry guys?” he has asked on more than one occasion, even though Perry, himself, lives in a continual state of confusion. The odoriferous stink-cloud coming from Perry’s furry hindside is as big as Texas. Other skunks are jealous.
- Dennis Hastert, who, when he was Speaker of the House in 1998, worked diligently to impeach President Bill Clinton for lying about an indiscretion with an intern, yet had no problem lying to the FBI in connection with payments he made to one of the students he diddled when he was a high school wrestling coach. Hastert gets a double-skunk mention for his outrageous double standards. “Diddle unto others, and act all righteously indignant when others do the diddling” — that’s the real “Hastert Rule.”
Congratulations, boys. Skunk Day was made for you!
(If we’ve left anyone out, feel free to add them in the comments section below.)