Baton Rouge (TheSkunk.org) – Bobby Jindal breathed some air into his flailing presidential campaign Sunday with the announcement that he will mass hypnotize the nation into voting for him.
Jindal, with virtually zero percent support in every demographic, said he doesn’t mind being the punch line of late night comedians and school children across America, but, he contended, “there’s things about me that voters are missing, things that would make me a great choice for president. If only there was some way to instill this information into their common consciousness.”
Jindal said the hypnosis hasn’t yet started. “Right now, the public is in its pre-hypnotic state and would never vote for me under any circumstances,” admitted the two-term governor, “but once I put them under a deep, transcendent trance and make strong suggestions of my fitness to be Commander-in-Chief, I’m a shoe-in.”
Staffers dismissed accusations of the plan’s illegality. “Magicians do it all the time,” explained a campaign spokesperson. “I once saw this guy make his whole audience believe they were chickens, running around without their shirts, clucking.”
“And those chickens,” added Jindal, “are my potential voters.”
For more information on Jindal’s new campaign platform, visit his website, “www.YouWillVoteForBobbyJindal.com.”