COLUMBIA, SC (TheSkunk.org) — Claiming that he has a “knack for bringing the deceased back to life,” Donald Trump told a crowd of evangelical voters today that if elected, he will bring the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia back from the dead.
Trump said this would put an end to the controversy as to whether or not the Senate should confirm an Obama lame-duck nomination to replace the long-serving jurist. “The simplest solutions are sometimes the best,” he said. “We bring a living Scalia back to the bench and that solves everything.”
“No one else can bring dead things back like I can,” boasted Trump. “I just pick up the phone and make it happen. We could even throw in Earl Warren for good measure.”
“But first,” he added, “you have to make me your president.”