Trump’s Hawaiian Investigators Found Dead

HONOLULU (TheSkunk.org) — After an anonymous tip on Monday, authorities uncovered the remains of the investigators Donald Trump sent to Hawaii over five years ago to verify the birthplace of then-President Barack Obama. The bodies, whose identities were not released pending first-of-kin notifications, were discovered hidden deep beneath the Hawaiian shore.

“[The investigators] have been studying it and they cannot believe what they’re finding,” Trump explained to a CNN interviewer in 2011. “It’s one of the greatest scams in the history of politics and in history, period.”

It is not known how long the investigators, whom Trump referred to as “top people,” had been dead, or whether they had yet uncovered evidence suggesting Obama was born outside the United States.

“Dead investigators only tip of the iceberg,” responded Trump in a tweet. “Wonder where they will find bodies of the five million who attended my inauguration.”