Get News Satire Headlines from TheSkunk

Section » Skunk Nation

Gun advocates assert right to kill things

Gun advocates assert right to kill things

By Editors, The Skunk • on March 3, 2010

SEATTLE – Gun advocates staged a rally at a Starbucks Wednesday, protesting the government’s ban on killing things. “It’s our Second Amendment right to kill anything we want, at a time and place of our choosing,” said

No CommentsRead this story »

OneTravel.com

More Articles

Senator wants nation’s jobless to be his servants

Senator wants nation’s jobless to be his servants

By Editors, The Skunk • on March 2, 2010

WASHINGTON — After blocking passage of a jobless benefits bill, Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY) announced today he will compensate the nation’s unemployed by offering them non-paid positions as his personal servants. “They

No CommentsRead this story »

Americans turn to Haiti for medical care

Americans turn to Haiti for medical care

By Editors, The Skunk • on January 30, 2010

PORT-AU-PRICE, Haiti — Scores of ailing Americans arrive in this impoverished country by the hour, seeking life-saving medical treatment — unavailable to them

1 CommentRead this story »

Racist councilman sues himself for slander

Racist councilman sues himself for slander

By Editors, The Skunk • on January 28, 2010

SANTA CLARITA, CA – A city councilman who referred to himself as a “proud racist” -– a characterization he vehemently refutes — has sued himself for slander. Councilman Bob Kellar, a former two-time mayor, tried to clarify the controversy by admitting he had indeed uttered the words

No CommentsRead this story »

Voters disappointed in Brown’s lack of accomplishment in U.S. Senate

Voters disappointed in Brown’s lack of accomplishment in U.S. Senate

By Editors, The Skunk • on January 21, 2010

BOSTON — Ever since Scott Brown was elected on Tuesday to fill the Senate seat once held by Ted Kennedy, Massachusetts voters have expressed their overwhelming disappointment

No CommentsRead this story »

Reid apologizes to Negroes everywhere

Reid apologizes to Negroes everywhere

By Editors, The Skunk • on January 11, 2010

WASHINGTON — Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) apologized to “Negroes Everywhere” on Monday, for a racially charged remark he made in 2008 about then-Senator Barack Obama. In their upcoming book, “Game Change,” journalists Mark Halperin and John Heilemann reported that Reid

No CommentsRead this story »

New TSA rule: No bombs in carry-on

New TSA rule: No bombs in carry-on

By Editors, The Skunk • on December 28, 2009

WASHINGTON — In light of the failed bombing attempt of a Northwest Airlines flight from Amsterdan to Detroit on Christmas Day, the Transportation Security Administration has added bombs to its list of items prohibited from all international and domestic air travel. The

No CommentsRead this story »

Neighbors legalize pot for themselves

Neighbors legalize pot for themselves

By Editors, The Skunk • on December 23, 2009

GRANADA HILLS, CA — On a quiet cul-de-sac in this sleepy Los Angeles suburb, neighbors have voted to legalize marijuana for their own personal use . “This

1 CommentRead this story »

Kucinich demands recount

Kucinich demands recount

By Editors, The Skunk • on December 21, 2009

LAKEWOOD, OHIO — Over a year has passed

1 CommentRead this story »

Palin fans can’t read book

Palin fans can’t read book

By Editors, The Skunk • on December 8, 2009

FORKS BEND, KY – Some fans of Sarah Palin were disappointed with the former Alaska Governor’s best seller, “Going Rogue,” when they realized they were unable

3 CommentsRead this story »

Joe Biden crashes state dinner

Joe Biden crashes state dinner

By Editors, The Skunk • on November 30, 2009

WASHINGTON — Vice President Joe Biden exposed a breach in security last week when he showed up at a White House state dinner, uninvited. Vice President Biden poses

1 CommentRead this story »

Americans flee to Guatemala to escape bleak job market

Americans flee to Guatemala to escape bleak job market

By Editors, The Skunk • on November 17, 2009

GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas —

4 CommentsRead this story »

Tell-all book trashes William Henry Harrison administration

Tell-all book trashes William Henry Harrison administration

By Editors, The Skunk • on November 12, 2009

A new biography hitting bookstore shelves on Friday paints a dim portrait of President William Henry Harrison. According to the book, “The Do-Nothing President,” Harrison – who died in 1841 after only 31 days in office – was the most “unaccomplished Chief Executive our country has ever known.” In

2 CommentsRead this story »

Employment up for stupid people

Employment up for stupid people

By Editors, The Skunk • on October 24, 2009

WASHINGTON — Employment among imbeciles and morons rose 10% in the 2nd quarter of 2009, according to a new report released today by the U.S. Bureau of Statistics. In

3 CommentsRead this story »

Goodwill bans donations from man with bad taste

Goodwill bans donations from man with bad taste

By Editors, The Skunk • on October 5, 2009

OKALHOMA CITY — An information technology consultant was banned for life by Goodwill Industries from donating any more of his “crap.” For years, computer whiz Mark

1 CommentRead this story »

Roman Polanski: ‘I thought she was 13-and-a-half’

Roman Polanski: ‘I thought she was 13-and-a-half’

By Editors, The Skunk • on September 28, 2009

ZURICH — Director Roman Polanski defended his 1977 rape of a 13-year-old model by expressing his belief that she was 13-and-a-half at the time. “She seemed much too mature for someone of her years,” wrote the 77-year-old auteur in a letter to the French film magazine, Cahiers du Cinema.

1 CommentRead this story »

Obama warns of ‘Axis of Buffoonery’

Obama warns of ‘Axis of Buffoonery’

By Editors, The Skunk • on September 25, 2009

President Obama today warned the world of the threat posed by leaders Hugo Chavez, Muammar al-Gaddafi and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, whom he referred to as the “Axis of Buffoonery,”

No CommentsRead this story »

Pie donations down at clown colleges

Pie donations down at clown colleges

By Editors, The Skunk • on September 20, 2009

Despite the growing need, donations of cream-filled pies are down 65% at clown colleges across the U.S.  “This is an urgent concern for our students,” said BoBo, Dean of the National Clown Institute. “We depend on donations of pies – particularly coconut cream and lemon meringue – to continue

2 CommentsRead this story »

Preschoolers re-create 9/11

Preschoolers re-create 9/11

By Editors, The Skunk • on September 11, 2009

BOSTON — Using Legos and toy planes, a class of preschoolers at a community daycare center re-created the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. “By re-enacting the events over and over again,” said Mufasa Kassab,

No CommentsRead this story »

Charlton Heston’s gun taken from his ‘cold, dead hands’

Charlton Heston’s gun taken from his ‘cold, dead hands’

By Editors, The Skunk • on September 3, 2009

GLENDALE, CA — In keeping with the late actor’s wishes, Charlton Heston’s decaying remains were exhumed today, and a vintage 1874 military rifle — made famous in his “cold, dead hands” speech — was removed from his cold, dead hands. “His hands were real cold, alright,”

3 CommentsRead this story »

Same investigator overlooked Garrido and Madoff

Same investigator overlooked Garrido and Madoff

By Editors, The Skunk • on September 2, 2009

SAN FRANCISCO – The same government investigator who failed to uncover the massive Ponzi scheme perpetrated by convicted Wall Street scammer Bernard Madoff, also neglected to notice the backyard sex prison operated

No CommentsRead this story »

Public doubts ‘official’ account of Kennedy death

Public doubts ‘official’ account of Kennedy death

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 30, 2009

BOSTON — Over 68% of Americans don’t believe the official government story that Senator Edward Kennedy died from a brain tumor, according to a survey released today.

3 CommentsRead this story »

Imaginary friend ODs on placebos

Imaginary friend ODs on placebos

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 25, 2009

Four-year-old Billy Tipton’s best friend — an imaginary owl named Scabooboo – ovedosed last night on an entire make-believe bottle of placebos.   “I warned

2 CommentsRead this story »

Hawaii insists it’s ‘no paradise’

Hawaii insists it’s ‘no paradise’

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 20, 2009

HONOLULU — Troubled by its reputation as a tropical paradise, Hawaii is on a quest to change its image by producing a series of commercials depicting the

2 CommentsRead this story »

NRA donates guns to grade-schoolers

NRA donates guns to grade-schoolers

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 19, 2009

FAIRFAX, VA — The National Rifle Association plans to distribute free handguns to seven million American school children in grades K-3 as part of their 2nd Amendment education

No CommentsRead this story »

Criminals urged to apprehend themselves

Criminals urged to apprehend themselves

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 18, 2009

LOS ANGELES — In an attempt to lower costs for law enforcement, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is asking lawbreakers to turn themselves in as part of his “Arrest Yourself” campaign. He spelled out details of the program at a press conference Tuesday.

1 CommentRead this story »

Congressman legalizes pot for himself

Congressman legalizes pot for himself

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 15, 2009

WASHINGTON, DC — Congressman Sal Dennison (D-OH) successfully inserted an amendment into a House bill, which would legalize marijuana for his own personal use.

24 CommentsRead this story »

Insurance lobby denies pay to heckler due to ‘pre-existing ignorance’

Insurance lobby denies pay to heckler due to ‘pre-existing ignorance’

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 15, 2009

BOZEMAN, MT — A powerful insurance lobby today denied compensation to a man it hired to disrupt a town hall meeting on healthcare reform, asserting that he had “pre-existing ignorance.” A spokesperson for the Insurance Lobby of America said they hired Milo Gunther to interrupt his

1 CommentRead this story »

Palin baby to be sacrificed to volcano gods

Palin baby to be sacrificed to volcano gods

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 10, 2009

JUNEAU, AK — Sniglet Palin, three-year-old daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, is scheduled to be thrown into Mt. Redoubt, a 10,197-foot active volcano 103 miles west of Anchorage, to please the fire

1 CommentRead this story »

Man gets cash for clunker wife

Man gets cash for clunker wife

By Editors, The Skunk • on August 3, 2009

BUTTE, MO — Due to a loophole in the federal “Cash for Clunkers” program, local dentist Halman Johnson was able to bring his wife of twenty-two years into the local Ford dealership and walk away with $4500 cash

No CommentsRead this story »