Business
The 10 Greatest Jobs of 2012
As 2012 looms just around the corner, The Skunk is pleased to present its annual assessment of the ten greatest jobs of the new year.
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Coca-Cola Puts Cocaine Back in Formula
ATLANTA (TheSkunk.org) — The Coca-Cola Company today announced the reintroduction of cocaine back into its popular soft drink after an absence of over a hundred years.
Postal Service to Increase Efficiency by Sending Employee Paychecks in the Mail
The U.S. Postal Service today announced plans to increase speed and efficiency by sending postal worker paychecks through the mail.
Flight Delayed in 1966 Finally Takes Off
A flight delayed in 1966 finally gets the approval to take off.
Pizza Execs Never Heard of Herman Cain
Executives from the Nebraska-based restaurant chain issued a statement Friday denying that Cain ever worked for their company.
Bachmann Blames Apple CEO’s Death on Obama’s ‘Jobs Killing’ Policies
Bachmann accused Obama of lacking the leadership necessary to “keep Jobs thriving in this economy.”
iPad 4 Will Have Screen as Large as Six Football Fields
Apple announced today the release of the fourth generation of its successful tablet computer.
Michele Bachmann to Open Nationwide Chain of Abortion Clinics
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), vocal advocate for smaller government and Tea party favorite, has licensed her name and likeness to a new chain of nationwide abortion clinics.
China Hiring Americans to Lay Railroad Track
JILIN PROVINCE, China (TheSkunk.org) — The Chinese government is hiring thousands of American workers to lay track for the country’s state-of-the-art, high-speed rail system.
Palin Proposes ‘Mound of Mexicans’ to Stop Oil Leak
WASILLA, AK — Sarah Palin submitted a proposal today to stop illegal immigration and the oil spill at the same time by using those who have entered this country unlawfully to form a giant “Mound of Mexicans,” large enough to plug the leak.
BP CEO Assures Public His Salary Will Not Be Affected by Spill
NEW ORLEANS (TheSkunk.org) — In a television commercial to be aired later this week, BP CEO Tony Hayward reassures the American people that his corporate compensation package will not be affected “in any way” by the oil spill.
BP to Build Museum Dedicated to Species It Destroyed
PORT FOURCHON, LA (TheSkunk.org) — BP announced today it will spend $50 million to build a museum dedicated to the plants and animals that have become extinct as a result of the company’s disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
Oil Spill: Gas-X to the Rescue
In its latest attempt stop the unending flow of pressurized petroleum that has been spewing uncontrollably into the Gulf of Mexico, BP announced today it will inject 500 million bottles of Gas-X tablets into the well.
Spilled Oil Was Destined for Gas Station in Iowa
DES MOINES — BP informed the public on Wednesday that the millions of barrels of oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico were destined for a single gas station in Kimbalton, Iowa.
Enormous Mayonnaise Spill Threatens Lake Michigan
Vast amounts of mayonnaise continue to spill into Lake Michigan after an explosion at the Kraft Foods factory blasted a hole in a pipeline used to manufacture the sandwich spread.
Travel Industry Encourages Poor to Take More Vacations
WASHINGTON — A report issued today by the United States Census Bureau revealed that poor Americans are not going on vacation nearly as often as their wealthy counterparts.
Disney Cigarettes Debut at Magic Kingdom
Fans of Walt Disney will now have the opportunity to smoke the very same tobacco that took the life of their beloved hero.
Toyota Camry Sprouts Wings, Flies into 61st Floor of Empire State Building
A Toyota Camry sprouted wings and flew uncontrollably from a highway in Massachusetts into the 61st floor of the Empire State Building over the weekend.
Wal-Mart Seeks to Hire its First Jew
BENTONVILLE, AR – Desiring to showcase its commitment to diversity, Wal-Mart is looking to hire a Jew in one of its 4200 stores nationwide.
“We are reaching out to the Jewish community,” Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke told reporters. “We want to let Jews know they have a home here.”
Toyota Blames Acceleration Problem on Faulty Cup Holders
NAGOYA/DETROIT — Toyota announced today is has identified a defect in the design of its cup holders as the source of acceleration problems associated with its popular Corolla, Camry, Tundra, Avalon and RAV4 models.
The Skunk Squeaks to 2nd Place in Annual Humorfeed Satire Awards
An article on comedy website TheSkunk.org, “Jews Demote Madoff to Arab”, was honored as the second best satire news story of 2009 by an expert panel of journalists and humor writers in the Fifth Annual HumorFeed Satire News Awards.
Kellogg’s Orders Recall After Child Finds Toy Inside Cereal
Kellogg’s has recalled two-million cases of Frosted Flakes after an eight-year-old child discovered a toy car hidden inside the cereal.
Demolition Company Hiring Suicide Bombers
For the last half century, this world-renowned demolitions company has been using its cutting-edge technology to bring down skyscrapers and other concrete and steel monuments to human achievement.
Tiger Woods to Endorse Sperm Bank
DENVER — On the heels of Gatorade and other major companies terminating their sponsorship agreements with Tiger Woods, the Heritage Sperm Repository of Colorado Springs has announced a major endorsement deal with the renowned golfer.
Bank Offers Free Anal Sex with Checking
NEW YORK — One of the nation’s hugest financial institutions is offering its customers free anal sex when they open a new account.
Man Gives Right Nut for a Beer
GARDEN GROVE, CA – Lee Joseph Flanders told the clerk at the corner liquor store last Wednesday that he was so thirsty he would “give his right nut for a beer,” but when he reached for his wallet to purchase a 32-ounce Molson Lager, he came up a few dollars short.
Proctor & Gamble Facing Lawsuit over “Ethnic Cleanser”
Proctor & Gamble Co. announced its latest product, “Ethnic Cleanser,” would not be available for Christmas as originally planned.
New Pepsi Beverage Made from Tuna and Beans
PURCHASE, NY — Banking on consumers so unquenched they’ll drink anything, PepsiCo announced today production of a new carbonated beverage made from refried beans and tuna fish.
