Today is: Friday, October 28, 2016
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North Korea’s ‘Satellites at Bottom of Sea’ Program a Success

North Koreans Watch Successul Rocket Launch

North Korea successfully launched another multi-million dollar piece of electronic crap to the floor of the Atlantic Ocean Friday.

Mastermind in ‘Bees for Honey’ Ring Nabbed in Sting Operation

FBI Nabs Bees for Honey Mastermind

Federal agents announced Monday the arrest of Guillermo “The Beekeeper” Patterson, leader of the notorious “Bees for Honey” ring, whose capture had eluded authorities for over seven years.

Google Takes Street View into People's Houses, Apartments

Google takes its Street View program into people's homes

Google photographers will be sent into every residential house and apartment across the country, photographing each bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, nook, and cranny.

Chris Christie Vows to Keep Eating Until He’s ‘Bigger Than Taft’

Christie Wants to be Fatter than Taft

TRENTON, NJ — Governor Chris Christie responded today to criticism of his obesity by announcing plans to continue expanding his waistline until he is “bigger and heavier than that fat fuck William Taft.”

New Report: Patience No Longer a Virtue

Patience no longer a virtue

ARLINGTON, VA ( — After reviewing the results of a nationwide study, the American Psychiatric Association has removed “patience” from its list of virtues in the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Befuddled Somali Pirates Abandon Attack on Disney Cruise Ship

Disney Magic Cruise

PORT D’ANDRATX, Mallorca ( — A group of Somali pirates retreated from their armed assault on the cruise ship “Disney Magic” Friday after being mocked and manhandled by its passengers.

China Hiring Americans to Lay Railroad Track


JILIN PROVINCE, China ( — The Chinese government is hiring thousands of American workers to lay track for the country’s state-of-the-art, high-speed rail system.

Kardashians' Dead Father to Get Reality Show

Robert Kardashian's ghost to star in new reality series.

The late Robert Kardashian, an attorney who was a member of O.J. Simpson’s murder defense team and the biological father to Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian, has inked a deal to star in a new reality series for Bravo, entitled “Resurrecting Kardashian.”

Increase in Contract Killings Sign of Economic Recovery


WASHINGTON ( — A new study conducted by the U.S. Department of Commerce shows a connection between an increase in contract killings — so-called “murders for hire” — and the latest upward tick in the economy.

BP to Build Museum Dedicated to Species It Destroyed

BP Opens Museum of Distinction

PORT FOURCHON, LA ( — BP announced today it will spend $50 million to build a museum dedicated to the plants and animals that have become extinct as a result of the company’s disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.