Vietnamese Judge Eats Champion Dog
NEW YORK – A Vietnamese judge for the 2009 Westminster Kennel Club ate the “Best in Show” winner, a beautiful brunette Sussex Spaniel named Stump.
Skunk Classics
Donald Trump to Purchase Hanoi Hilton
HANOI, VIETNAM — Donald Trump has made an offer to purchase the “Hanoi Hilton,” the infamous Vietnamese prison where John McCain spent five years as a POW, and turn it into high-rise, luxury resort.
Republican Scientists Claim Gravity a Scam
The Republican National Committee’s Scientific Advisory Board today issued a report negating claims of an “invisible force that pulls things toward the center of the Earth.”
Spielberg to Direct Unauthorized Biography of Himself
Paramount Pictures has announced that Steven Spielberg will be directing a feature film based on a soon-to-be-released unauthorized biography of the filmmaker.
Congress Outsources Workload to Malaysia
WASHINGTON, DC—The United States Congress is outsourcing its workload to a contactor in Malaysia, according to a report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office. Beginning this month, the laborious task of lawmaking will be sent to the Tengku Wan Consulting and Sewage Company in Kuala Lumpur.
Bill Clinton Kicks Reporter’s Ass
WEST PALM BEACH, FL — A reporter was nearly beaten to death last night after a confrontation with former president Bill Clinton, who was vacationing in the resort town with his family.
