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Bits of plastic found in backyard may be from Target
BILLINGS, MT — A Montana couple found bits of broken plastic buried on their property that appear to have been parts of disposable forks and knives from a retail Target store. Marv and Harriet Semipole were digging in their backyard, preparing the soil for their annual tomato planting, when they made the discovery. “In all the years we’ve
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Ugly girl asks rapist to prom
Ugly Girl and her Prom Date MINERTON, WI – An ugly girl has asked a convicted sexual offender to be her prom date. Myrna Tidfedder endured a lifetime of rude remarks about her appearance, but that didn’t
Woman accused of changing husband’s Sleep Number
DENVER — A Colorado woman was accused of changing her husband’s Sleep Number on the couple’s adjustable Select Comfort mattress. Arlene Gimbleman had bought the king-size bed five years earlier as a gift for her spouse, whose lower back had been giving him problems since childhood. At
Bad singer sues American Idol for discrimination
TRENTON — An atrocious singer from New Jersey sued the producers of American Idol Thursday, claiming unfair employment practices by hiring only those with strong singing voices to participate in the popular reality series. “They actually audition people to see if they can carry a tune
Microsoft becomes newest automaker
SEATTLE — Bill Gates has thrown his hat into the auto manufacturing ring, with the production of Microsoft’s first generation of consumer transportation devices, aptly named “MS Car, VER. 01.” The vehicles will feature internet connectivity and voice-activated controls. Early
Trump defends Miss California as “Perfectly Doable”
ORANGE COUNTY, CA — The growing controversy as to whether or not Miss California should keep her crown ended today when pageant owner Donald Trump declared the young beauty queen “perfectly doable.” After Carrie Prejean, 21, expressed her views opposing gay marriage on the nationally
Gunman targets online university
THE INTERNET — Armed with a single Xbox controller, an assailant went on a rampage Tuesday at an online university, firing hundreds of virtual rounds at student avatars, and inflicting damage to the school’s “About” page and interactive flash animations. “This is the worst
University gunman misses everyone
BLOOMINGTON, IN — An armed gunman who went on a rampage at Indiana University on Thursday was unable to inflict injuries to anyone, despite firing hundreds of rounds into a crowded campus rally. “This guy is the worst shot in the world,” said
Somali pirates based on Disney movie, ride
HORN OF AFRICA — Referring to themselves as rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves, modern-day Somalian pirates have fashioned themselves after characters from Disney’s “Pirates of the Carribbean.” The real-life pirates, who have been
Marine Life Protest North Korean Missile Attack
PACIFIC OCEAN — An alliance of squid, eels, rays, deep sea bass and other marine animals voiced their opposition to North Korea’s launch of a missile over the weekend that struck deep into their territory. Thousands of their respective species, as well as turtles, dolphins, seahorses, sponges,
Man loses house to pay admission to Disney park
ORANGE COUNTY, CA — An Anaheim resident recently lost his home to foreclosure, due to a sub-prime refinance he took out to pay for annual admission to Disneyland for his family of eight. “It sounded really good,” said Tom Schumann, 37, a lifelong Disney fan. “For one price, my family and
Man ticketed for parking too long at meter
DENVER — A Colorado motorist was given a citation from a local law enforcement officer for leaving his car parked at a curbside meter several minutes after the time had expired. Florist Leigh Flanders was shocked when he came to move his vehicle, a 2002 black Subaru Impreza, and noticed a pink
Circuit City sells last of broken shit for 50% off
HARDENBERG, KS — Circuit City has sold the last of its broken shit at amazing discounts of up to 50%. The electronics retailer is being liquidated after declaring bankruptcy last year. Buyers foraged through the store like hungry rabbits on a parsnip farm, not wanting to miss out on a deal of
Vietnamese judge eats champion dog
NEW YORK – A Vietnamese judge for the 2009 Westminster Kennel Club ate the “Best in Show” winner, a beautiful brunette Sussex Spaniel named Stump. “I sat in that chair for hours, watching hundreds of dogs parade back and forth right in front of me,” said Tu Trung, a native
Phelps Scores Endorsement deal with Bong Manufacturer
HUMBOLDT COUNTY, CA — Gold Medalist Michael Phelps has signed a three-year endorsement agreement with Toke-Rite Industries, the world’s largest manufacturer of bongs and other marijuana paraphernalia. After Kellogg’s dumped the
Two of mom’s octuplets are alligators
WHITTIER, CA — Two of the eight babies born to the California “Octuplet Mom” have turned out to be alligators. The twin reptiles, 12 inches long, are said to be doing well. Dr. Johann Pestanciti, the obstetrician who performed the cesarean section on Nadya Suleman, said he was at
Bush DNA cleansed from White House
WASHINGTON, DC — No sooner had he been sworn into office than President Barack Obama ordered his staff to remove all traces of his predecessor George W. Bush’s DNA from every room of the White House. “It was clear from the start that Obama planned on overturning all of the former
Ted Haggard to start youth camp for sexy boys
COLORADO SPRINGS — Disgraced Christian minister turned disgraced gay minister Ted Haggard will be establishing a youth camp for good-looking teen boys. A press release issued from Haggard’s living room iMac touts the camp as a “place for handsome teenage males to explore their attractiveness
New Chrysler model powered by prayer
DETROIT / LAKE FOREST, CA — Struggling to emerge from its financial woes, automobile manufacturer Chrysler LLC, in partnership with pastor Rick Warren, has introduced a new model called the Jesus Chrysler. This alternative energy vehicle forgoes the conventional gasoline engine, running
Donald Trump to Purchase Hanoi Hilton
HANOI, VIETNAM — Donald Trump has made an offer to purchase the “Hanoi Hilton,” the infamous Vietnamese prison where John McCain spent five years as a POW, and turn it into high-rise, luxury resort. The Trump Hanoi Hilton Towers and Beach Club
Obama says sale of virginity good for economy
WASHINGTON — Citing his campaign theme that good ideas can come from anywhere, President-elect Barack Obama praised coed Natalie Dylan for auctioning off her virginity to pay her college tuition. He said the 22-year-old’s plan will be a model for both his administration’s education
Outtakes from the Rose Parade
The following transcript is an excerpt from the Rose Parade telecast of January 1, 2009, obtained exclusively by TheSkunk.org. The segments were recorded live, but never aired. STEPHANIE: ...and that was the United States Air Force Marching Band, with their
Blagojevich appoints penis to U.S. Senate
CHICAGO – Embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has appointed his penis to fill the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama. “I am merely executing my duties under the Illinois state constitution,” said Blagojevich. “I hope the allegations against me won’t taint the
Palin’s daughter gives birth to Democrat
ANCHORAGE, Alaska – The teenage daughter of former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin gave birth to a Democrat on Sunday, marking an ironic resolution to the controversy surrounding the unwed teen mother. 18-year-old Bristol Palin gave birth to Frickin Johnston on Sunday. The 7 pound,
Santa Won’t be Coming to Your Town
Santa is skipping Christmas this year. In this video, he explains why. AKPC_IDS += "2083,";
Shoes thrown at Bush send message to Senator Craig
BAGHDAD – An Iraqi journalist hurled a pair of shoes at President Bush on Sunday during a press conference in his country’s capital. While Bush took the incident in stride, chalking it up to freedom of expression, Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) insisted the airborne Oxfords communicated something entirely
Man Sells Stuff on eBay to Pay for other Stuff
TRENTON — A New Jersey man sold some of his stuff on eBay last week, and plans to use the money he makes to buy other stuff. “I realized there was a lot of stuff I had around my house — in my garage, under my bed, in the fridge — that I
Porn Industry to get $100 Billion in Federal Aid
WASHINGTON — Leaders in the adult entertainment industry, hit hard in the current recession, testified before Congress Monday, explaining the need for $100 billion dollars in government assistance to keep their various enterprises afloat. Leigh Flanders, a producer of hard-core gay videos, claimed
The Great Walmart* Footnote Contest
Walmart has changed its logo for 2008 by adding an asterisk to the end of their name, but we observant editors at The Skunk have noticed there is no corresponding footnote.* So we decided our readers should create one. What do you think the asterisk should refer
