Significance of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorce Revealed Here

Breaking News from The Skunk

Find out how the divorce of Katie Hlomes and Tom Cruise will impact the world.

Oprah to Be Lowered onto Oil Pipe to Cap Spill

Oprah Winfrey is lowered onto the broken oil pipe.

VENICE, Louisiana – Saying it was her way of giving back to the American people for “allowing me to live my dream,” Oprah Winfrey has agreed to be lowered onto a broken oil pipe on the seafloor of the Gulf of Mexico that has been spewing thousands of barrels of toxic crude into the ocean on a daily basis.

Betty White to Portray Brittany Murphy in Bio-Pic


HOLLYWOOD — Betty White has been tapped to play the part of Brittany Murphy in a motion picture docudrama about the late actress. The 88-year-old White said she was thrilled to be cast in the role, and will do her best to breathe life into the character.

Eager Young Models Await Arrival of Polanski

The pending extradition of Roman Polanksi to the United States has sent a wave of optimism over aspiring young models across America, eager to lose their virginity to the famous director in hopes it will boost their fledgling careers.

Kanye Thankful He Didn’t Go Through with ‘Entire' Plan

HOLLYWOOD — Kanye West, still recovering from his embarrassing outburst at the Video Music Awards, is grateful he didn’t go through with everything he had originally planned.

Charlton Heston’s Gun Taken from His ‘Cold, Dead Hands’

Charlton Heston's Gun

GLENDALE, CA — In keeping with the late actor’s wishes, Charlton Heston’s decaying remains were exhumed today, and a vintage 1874 military rifle — made famous in his “cold, dead hands” speech — was removed from his cold, dead hands.

Katie Holmes to Play Nicole Kidman in Cruise Biopic

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Katie Holmes has been cast in the role of Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise’s first wife, in a biographical motion picture about the life of the leading man.

New Rules Allow Celebrities to Die Four at a Time

New rules issued today make it okay for public figures to kick the bucket in groups of four.

Michael Jackson to be Buried in Little Boy’s Ass

Michael Jackson's Ashes

Pop icon Michael Jackson has proven to be as unconventional in death as he was in life. According to a Jackson family spokesperson, once the King of Pop’s remains are cremated, his ashes will be laid to rest deep inside the buttocks of a little boy.

Diahann Carroll and Leslie Uggams Slighted in Jackson Will

Divas feel slighted.

HOLLYWOOD — Performers Diahann Carroll and Leslie Uggams expressed their indignation today at being excluded from Michael Jackson’s will.