Sandusky Asks to be Relocated to Juvenile Detention Facility

Sadusky wearing prison orange.

GREEN COUNTY, PA ( — After being harassed and threatened by fellow inmates at the maximum security facility where he is serving a sentence of 30-60 years for child sexual assault, Jerry Sandusky has asked to be transferred to a juvenile detention facility. The former Penn State assistant football coach said the torment he receives […]

Plot to Slaughter Millions of Turkeys Thwarted by FBI

Happy Thanksgiving

HUNTSVILLE, AR ( — FBI agents shut down an apparent terrorist plot to murder millions of innocent turkeys just prior to the American festival of Thanksgiving. The suspects were caught off-guard when over one-hundred FBI agents burst into what sources described as “an industrial food processing plant.” They were taken into custody after plans were […]

IRS Scam Bilks Citizens Out of Billions

WASHINGTON ( — An organization calling itself “The IRS” is demanding that millions of US citizens fill out a complicated form and return it to them with a payment amounting to a large percentage of their income. According to a spokesperson for the Financial Fraud Enforcement Task Force, agents for this nefarious operation have extorted […]

30-Year-Old Escapes from Hot Car

PALM DESERT, CA ( — A 30-year-old man was left inside a hot car by his father, as temperatures soared into the triple digits. Olaaf Acher left his parked vehicle and went into a Starbucks Tuesday, leaving his unemployed son inside the car with the windows rolled up. “I started to sweat really bad,” said […]

San Diego Issues Heightened Filner Alert

SAN DIEGO ( – Another mayoral harassment will occur sometime in the next 30 days, according to information obtained by the Department of Homeland Impurity. Authorities who have been monitoring Mayor Bob Filner’s communications have detected an increase in his inappropriate sexual chatter and believe he is intent on striking sometime within the next month. […]

George Zimmerman Rescues Family From Car Wreck, Then Shoots Them

Sanford, FL ( — George Zimmerman, the man whose acquittal in the Trayvon Martin shooting death evoked nationwide outrage, pulled four family members from a burning, overturned SUV on Monday, then proceeded to shoot each one to death. He claimed to be acting in self-defense. According to Zimmerman, after pulling the injured victims from the […]

NSA Leaker Snowden Executed by Chinese as ‘Preventative Measure’

BEIJING ( — Edward Snowden, the 29-year-old college dropout whose disclosure of top secret U.S. government security information caused a storm of controversy, has been executed by the Chinese government to prevent him from doing the same thing to their country. After disclosing thousands of classified U.S. government documents to the media, Snowden fled to […]

Baby Rescued From Inside Woman’s Body

TALAHASEE, FL ( — An infant was discovered Saturday curled up inside a woman’s body.  According to police, Alessandria Kittington had been transporting the child –  who measured only 13 inches long and weighed but 7 pounds, six ounces – inside her abdominal cavity for months. Law enforcement was tipped off by a good Samaritan […]

IRS Accused of Extorting Millions from Working-Class Americans

WASHINGTON ( — The Internal Revenue Service targeted millions of citizens in a wide-ranging extortion ring, according to a new report published Monday. IRS employees are accused of singling out Americans who were either employed, self-employed or receiving other forms of compensation, such as from an interest-bearing bank account, and then demanding a percentage of […]

NRA: If Bombing Victims Had Their Own Bombs, They Could Have Fought Back

BOSTON ( — NRA Chief Wayne LaPierre told reporters today that if the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing had been carrying their own bombs, they would have had a chance to fight back at the attackers and prevent much of the carnage. “They only thing that stops a bad guy with a bomb is […]