Romney Campaign Hiring Liars
According to its website, the Romney for President campaign is hiring staffers to create outlandish stories and preposterous allegations about President Obama, and then disseminate them through word-of-mouth and the blogosphere.
More Election 2012
Romney Asks Nation to Decide What He Should Believe In
Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney told supporters Monday that if elected president, he would have the whole country vote on what his opinions should be before he expresses them.
Romney Chooses Wallet as Running Mate
Mitt Romney surprised pundits on both sides of the aisle today when he announced his wallet will be joining the GOP ticket as his vice presidential running mate.
68% of Republicans Favor Concession Speech by Romney Over Santorum
Republicans overwhelmingly prefer Mitt Romney over Rick Santorum to make the late night concession speech and conciliatory phone call to Obama, according to a new poll released today.
Would-Be Assassins Dissatisfied with GOP Candidates
A new CNN poll released today shows 83 percent of would-be assassins are dissatisfied with the current field of Republican presidential candidates.
Santorum Proposes ID System for Jews
WASHINGTON — In a speech before an enthusiastic audience at the annual CPAC convention, presidential candidate rick Santorum today proposed implementing a novel identification system to track the Jewish population in America.
Romney Campaign Uses Antisocial Media
BOSTON — Presidential candidate Mitt Romney took down his Facebook page Monday and replaced it with the words “Go Away,” making him the first politician to use antisocial media to spread his detached message of aloofness and indifference to American voters.
Romney Wants U.S. Tax Revenue Paid Directly to Him
MANCHESTER, N.H. — In a speech to a group of supporters, Mitt Romney today proposed that all U.S. tax revenue be paid directly to him. Under the new “Internal Romney Service,” personal and corporate tax payments would no longer be made out to the “IRS,” but to “Mitt Romney,” and deposited electronically into his personal bank account.
Newt Gingrich Sues Satire Website
LOS ANGELES — Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich filed a libel lawsuit today against website The Skunk (www.TheSkunk.org), claiming the satirical publication defamed his reputation in an article from last April titled “Gingrich Paid for Anal Bleachings with Government Funds.”
Mitt Romney: ‘S Corporations are People with Spina Bifida’
GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney told students at the University of New Hampshire that “S corporations are people with spina bifida.”
‘Obama Is Serial Killer Whose Murderous Rampage Must Stop,’ Says Mitt Romney
DES MOINES, Iowa (TheSkunk.org) — GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney today accused President Obama of being a psychopathic serial killer, whose trail of dead corpses has put our country’s financial system at risk of total collapse.
Herman Cain Suspends His Marriage
ATLANTA (TheSkunk.org) – Saying the bevy of “false accusations” against him have been hurtful to his wife and family, presidential candidate Herman Cain announced today the suspension of his 43-year marriage to Gloria Cain.
Stray Dog: ‘I Mounted Herman Cain’s Leg’
ROANOAKE, TX — An abandoned golden retriever claims to have mounted Herman Cain’s legs on several occasions going back to 2005.
Cain Says He Will Take Dramatic 5‑Minute Pause Before Making Any Decisions
NASHUA, N.H. (TheSkunk.org) — Presidential hopeful Herman Cain defended the uncomfortable five minutes of silence he took trying to respond to a simple foreign policy question by claiming it was all part of his strategy to pause for five minutes before making any decision.
Sandusky to Enter Republican Primary Race
STATE COLLEGE, PA — Former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky has thrown his hat into the 2012 Republican presidential primary race.
Sexual Harassment Victim Praises Herman Cain for Jump-Starting Her Career
TOLEDO, OH — Another alleged victim to accuse Herman Cain of sexual harassment has stepped forward — not to blame him for his misdeeds, but to thank him for helping her secure a “plum job.”
Herman Cain Denies Recognizing Front of Accuser’s Head
SCOTTSDALE, AZ — In a press conference Tuesday, presidential candidate Herman Cain denied accusations of sexual harassment, declaring emphatically that he did not recognize the front of accuser Sharon Bialek’s head when he watched her read a statement on television.
GOP Candidates Call Ten Commandments ‘Over-Regulation’; Would Repeal Five of Them
GOP Candidates Call Ten Commandments ‘Over-Regulation’; Would Repeal Five of Them
Herman Cain Vows to Make Himself a ‘One-Term President’
Herman Cain told supporters if he becomes president, he will work diligently to make sure he does not get elected to a second term.
Republicans Seek to Draft Corpse of Jesse Helms to Run in Presidential Primaries
Republican officials are trying to persuade the corpse of the late Senator Jesse Helms to enter the presidential primary race.
Romney, Perry to Settle Differences in Naked Mud Wrestling Match
HOUSTON — GOP presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Gov. Rick Perry will settle their political differences by participating in a naked mud wrestling match to be televised live on the Discovery Channel next Wednesday.
Herman Cain Proposes Running Country Only During Business Hours
In order to operate the United States in a more efficient manner, Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain today proposed new business hours for the country.
Pizza Execs Never Heard of Herman Cain
Executives from the Nebraska-based restaurant chain issued a statement Friday denying that Cain ever worked for their company.
Herman Cain Predicts Country will Mourn his Death More than Steve Jobs
“I’m not discounting Mr. Jobs for inventing the iPhone and iPad — those are very useful items,” said Cain, “but I was the one who came up with the pepperoni and sausage value pie for 6.99.”
Bachmann Blames Apple CEO’s Death on Obama’s ‘Jobs Killing’ Policies
Bachmann accused Obama of lacking the leadership necessary to “keep Jobs thriving in this economy.”
Bachmann Would Reintroduce Smallpox to America
Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann told a crowd of Tea Party members on Tuesday the first thing she would do as president is reintroduce the smallpox virus back into nature.
Bachmann Gets Endorsement Deal with Thorazine
The antipsychotic drug Thorazine has been named the official medication of the Michele Bachmann presidential campaign.
Bachmann’s Husband Counsels Blacks to Convert to White
The husband of presidential candidate Rep. Michele Bachmann said he uses so-called “color correction therapy” in his counseling practice to help African Americans transform themselves into white people.
