International
Secret Service Foils Colombian Prostitution Price Gouging Scheme
President Obama thanked the members of the Secret Service Wednesday for bringing an end to a Colombian prostitution price gouging scheme.
More International
North Korea’s ‘Satellites at Bottom of Sea’ Program a Success
North Korea successfully launched another multi-million dollar piece of electronic crap to the floor of the Atlantic Ocean Friday.
‘Occupy Earth’ Movement Baffles Authorities
LOS ANGELES — From Oakland to Paris, law enforcement agencies around the world are in a quandary figuring out how to deal with the new “Occupy Earth” movement.
Kadafi Dead; Gaddafi and Qaddafi Still at Large
Although Libyan rebels captured and killed dictator Moammar Kadafi, the U.S. government has issued a reminder that Muammer Qaddafi and Moammar Gaddafi are still at large.
Murdochs Make Offer to Acquire UK Parliament
Publishing tycoon Rupert Murdoch and his son James made an offer to purchase the British Parliament.
What are their plans?
North Korea Reports 500,000 Dissidents Killed by Freak Lightning Strike
North Korean officials claim that over half a million dissidents, protestors and human rights activists were recently killed by a lightning strike that hit the entire country.
Gingrich to Marry bin Laden Wife No. 7
Newt Gingrich has announced plans to marry the seventh wife of slain terrorist Osama bin Laden, 19-year-old Durriya Habou bin Laden.
Prince William and Kate to Honeymoon in Abbottabad
Prince William and his wife, the former Kate Middleton, have finally left for their honeymoon to the city of Abbottabad, Pakistan.
Japanese Blame Nuclear Disaster on Faulty Floor Mats
TOKYO (TheSkunk.org) — A couple of improperly fitted floor mats from a 2009 Toyota Camry were cited as the cause of the partial meltdown of reactor cores at Japan’s Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear power plant.
Boehner Blames Japan Quake on Obama Tax Policy
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) – Calling it another example of why he believes it is bad for the economy to raise taxes during a recession, Speaker John Boehner laid blame for the recent 8.9 earthquake off the coast of Japan at the failed policies of the Obama administration.
Befuddled Somali Pirates Abandon Attack on Disney Cruise Ship
PORT D’ANDRATX, Mallorca (TheSkunk.org) — A group of Somali pirates retreated from their armed assault on the cruise ship “Disney Magic” Friday after being mocked and manhandled by its passengers.
‘Hosni’: Fastest Growing Name for U.S. Babies
Although Egyptian strongman Hosni Mubarak may soon be deposed and forced into exile by a populist uprising, his name will live on — at least if parents in the United States have their say. Recent public awareness of the embattled dictator has resulted in thousands of American parents imparting their newborns with the name “Hosni.”
Bachmann, Tea Party to Assist Egyptian Protesters
Representative Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) is leading a contingent of Tea Party activists on a trip to Cairo to offer their expertise to the hundreds of thousands of Egyptian citizens who have been rallying against their government for over a week.
Al-Qaeda’s Number Four Promoted to Number Three
ISLAMABAD — After the United States announced the killing of Al Qaeda’s “Number Three” leader, Mustafa Ahmed Muhammad Uthman Abu al-Yazid, the organization quickly named a successor.
Vatican Naval Forces Sink Shipload of Condoms
Pope Benedict ordered his heavily armed battleship, the SS Holy Ghost, to fire at the merchant ship, after learning that its cargo would prevent thousands of unwanted pregnancies and the spread of AIDS — the deadly scurge God sent to Earth to force homosexuals into the clergy.
Haitians Eagerly Await Arrival of iPads
CUPERTINO, CA — CEO Steve Jobs announced today that Apple will ship ten million iPads to Haiti to aid the disaster-stricken country.
Americans Turn to Haiti for Medical Care
To stay alive, Arlindi knew he would have to travel to the devastated third-world country.
Osama bin Laden Seeks New Cinematographer
CAVE SOMEWHERE — Fresh off the release of his first promotional audio tape in over six months, terrorist Chief Osama Bin Laden is now shaking up his video production department.
GOP Opposes ‘Public Option’ for Haitians
WASHINGTON — Republican lawmakers today strongly condemned President Obama’s use of government money to provide medical aid to Haitian earthquake victims.
Haiti to Replace Missionaries with Jews
Haitians are asking the world to stop sending missionaries to their devastated country, and send Jews instead.
Haitians Despondent over Simon Cowell Departure from ‘Idol’
“I can’t believe he’s leaving us,” said Jean Leponte, who waded through the knee-high debris of his collapsed mud-and-stick hut, searching for his 14-year-old daughter and handmade Susan Boyle coffee mug. “The show will never be the same without his blunt brand of in-your-face honesty.”
Americans Flee to Guatemala to Escape Bleak Job Market
GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas — a native Guatemalan delicacy — from the back of a burro-driven wagon.
China Prohibits Anonymous Internet Posts
BEIJING — China has passed a law prohibiting its citizens from using fictitious names when posting comments on Internet news sites and blogs, according to Communications Minster Cheng Ho.
Ahmadinejad Gets Key Endorsement from Himself
Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad formally endorsed himself for a second term as president Monday in a ceremony that sought to quell discontent among Iranians, by declaring himself a worthy leader.
Termites Devour Dutch Shoe Factory; Fraud Suspected
NETHERLANDS — An invasion of termites that completely devoured the inventory of the Clicken Cläcken Wooden Shoe Factory in Amsterdam is being investigated as a criminal act.
After Recount, Ahmadinejad Has 110% of Vote
TEHRAN — After an exhaustive recount of the election results, the Iranian ruling clerics have determined that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won their country’s election by a far greater margin than previously indicated, winning 110 % of the vote.
Waterboarding Survival Classes Cancelled by Al-Qaeda
AFGHAN-PAKISTANI BORDER — Al-Qaida anounced on Monday it will be terminating its Waterboarding Survival course, which has been offered to its members since 9/11.
Somali Pirates Based on Disney Movie, Ride
HORN OF AFRICA — Referring to themselves as rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves, modern-day Somalian pirates have fashioned themselves after characters from Disney’s “Pirates of the Carribbean.”
Marine Life Protest North Korean Missile Attack
PACIFIC OCEAN — An alliance of squid, eels, rays, deep sea bass and other marine animals voiced their opposition to North Korea’s launch of a missile over the weekend that struck deep into their territory.
Tibetan Monk Accidentally Sets Himself on Fire
SHIGATSE, TIBET -– A Buddhist monk accidentally set himself on fire Friday, as an admiring group of followers cheered him on. The monk was cooking dinner when a defective burner on his gas stove malfunctioned, igniting the handmade Tibetan robe he was wearing. Engulfed in flames, he blazed out the door and onto the street, wildly [...]
