Section » International
Americans turn to Haiti for medical care
PORT-AU-PRICE, Haiti — Scores of ailing Americans arrive in this impoverished country by the hour, seeking life-saving medical treatment — unavailable to them in the states — from the best doctors and nurses
More Articles
Osama bin Laden seeks new cinematographer
CAVE SOMEHWERE – Fresh off the release of his first promotional audio tape in over six months, terrorist Chief Osama bin Laden is now shaking up his video production department. Sources close to the evil mastermind cited his disappointment in the quality of his latest videos as the reason
GOP opposes ‘public option’ for Haitians
WASHINGTON — Republican lawmakers today strongly condemned President Obama’s use of a government funded “public option” to provide medical aid to
Haiti to replace missionaries with Jews
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti — Haitians are asking the world to stop sending missionaries to their devastated country, and send Jews instead. Thousands of Haitians crowded
Haitians despondent over Simon Cowell departure from ‘Idol’
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – Not even the shock of a 7.0 earthquake, which devastated this tiny island nation on Tuesday, could distract its inhabitants from the distraught that
Americans flee to Guatemala to escape bleak job market
GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas —
China prohibits anonymous Internet posts
BEIJING — China has passed a law prohibiting its citizens from using fictitious names when posting comments on Internet news sites and blogs, according to Communications Minster Cheng Ho. Cheng asserted that by eliminating user anonymity, the Chinese people can “interact more effectively with
Ahmadinejad gets key endorsement from himself
TEHRAN, Iran – Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad formally endorsed himself for a second term as president Monday in a ceremony that sought to quell discontent among Iranians, by declaring himself a leader worthy
Termites devour Dutch shoe factory; fraud suspected
NETHERLANDS — An invasion of termites that completely devoured the inventory of the Clicken Cläcken Wooden Shoe Factory in Amsterdam is being investigated as a criminal
After re-count, Ahmadinejad has 110% of vote
TEHRAN — After an exhaustive recount of the election results, the Iranian ruling clerics have determined that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won their country’s election by a far greater margin than previously indicated, garnering 110% of the vote. “It’s clear that every eligible citizen
Waterboarding survival classes cancelled by al-Qaida
AFGHAN-PAKISTANI BORDER — Al-Qaida anounced on Monday it will be terminating its Waterboarding Survival course, which has been offered to its members since 9/11. According to a press release distributed by the terror organization, the training program is no longer necessary now that President
Somali pirates based on Disney movie, ride
HORN OF AFRICA — Referring to themselves as rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves, modern-day Somalian pirates have fashioned themselves after characters from Disney’s “Pirates of the Carribbean.” The real-life pirates, who have been
Marine Life Protest North Korean Missile Attack
PACIFIC OCEAN — An alliance of squid, eels, rays, deep sea bass and other marine animals voiced their opposition to North Korea’s launch of a missile over the weekend that struck deep into their territory. Thousands of their respective species, as well as turtles, dolphins, seahorses, sponges,
Tibetan Monk accidentally sets himself on fire
SHIGATSE, TIBET -– A Buddhist monk accidentally set himself on fire Friday, as an admiring group of followers cheered him on. The monk was cooking dinner when a defective burner on his gas stove malfunctioned, igniting the handmade Tibetan robe he was wearing. Engulfed in flames, he blazed out
Bush seeks new country to bungle
CRAWFORD, TX – Having recently traded in his White House address for a suburban home in this quiet Texas community, former President George Bush has expressed his desire to reenter public life by becoming the leader of some other yet-to-be-determined country. “He’s been kinda fidgety,”
Donald Trump to Purchase Hanoi Hilton
HANOI, VIETNAM — Donald Trump has made an offer to purchase the “Hanoi Hilton,” the infamous Vietnamese prison where John McCain spent five years as a POW, and turn it into high-rise, luxury resort. The Trump Hanoi Hilton Towers and Beach Club
Israel surrenders; agrees to vacate Holy Land by end of month
TEL AVIV — An unexpected resolution to the conflict in the Middle East occurred over the weekend as Israeli leaders agreed it was time to pack up and move on. “We’ve had a prosperous 60 years, turning a hellish desert into an oasis of milk and honey,” said a spokesperson for the Jewish state.
