Today is: Saturday, October 22, 2016
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Oil Spill

Massive Water Spill Contaminates Oil Reserves


TORRANCE, CA ( — An underground water channel drilled into by the Sparkletts company burst open Saturday night, releasing millions of gallons of pure, crystal clear H2O into the oil reserves at the nearby ExxonMobil refinery.

Palin Proposes 'Mound of Mexicans' to Stop Oil Leak

Mound of Mexicans

WASILLA, AK — Sarah Palin submitted a proposal today to stop illegal immigration and the oil spill at the same time by using those who have entered this country unlawfully to form a giant “Mound of Mexicans,” large enough to plug the leak.

Twitter Bird Falls Victim to Oil Spill

Twitter Bird Latest Victim of Oil Spill

The oil-soaked body of the Twitter Bird, the iconic logo for the popular social networking site, was found on a beach in Louisiana on Friday.

BP to Build Museum Dedicated to Species It Destroyed

BP Opens Museum of Distinction

PORT FOURCHON, LA ( — BP announced today it will spend $50 million to build a museum dedicated to the plants and animals that have become extinct as a result of the company’s disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

Oil Spill: Gas-X to the Rescue


In its latest attempt stop the unending flow of pressurized petroleum that has been spewing uncontrollably into the Gulf of Mexico, BP announced today it will inject 500 million bottles of Gas-X tablets into the well.

Spilled Oil Was Destined for Gas Station in Iowa

BP Gas station.

DES MOINES — BP informed the public on Wednesday that the millions of barrels of oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico were destined for a single gas station in Kimbalton, Iowa.

Enormous Mayonnaise Spill Threatens Lake Michigan


Vast amounts of mayonnaise continue to spill into Lake Michigan after an explosion at the Kraft Foods factory blasted a hole in a pipeline used to manufacture the sandwich spread.

Canadian Goose Who Survived Collision with US Airways Flight 1549 Dies in Gulf Spill


A four-year-old Canada goose, who nearly died in a bird strike when his flock was vaporized in the engine of an Airbus A320-214 that crash-landed in the Hudson River in 2009, was found dead of oil poisoning on the Louisiana shoreline.

Arizona to Lower Concrete Boxes over Illegal Immigrants

Arizona Cracks Down on Illegal Immigration

Arizona lawmakers today enacted legislation giving local police permission to lower thousands of 100-ton containers directly over the heads of suspected illegal immigrants.

Oprah to Be Lowered onto Oil Pipe to Cap Spill

Oprah Winfrey is lowered onto the broken oil pipe.

VENICE, Louisiana – Saying it was her way of giving back to the American people for “allowing me to live my dream,” Oprah Winfrey has agreed to be lowered onto a broken oil pipe on the seafloor of the Gulf of Mexico that has been spewing thousands of barrels of toxic crude into the ocean on a daily basis.