Your Stinking Opinion

Is it okay for cashiers to say ‘Merry Christmas’?

The cashier should first determine if the customer is, in fact, merry. Inquire, for example, the state of their relationships, the quantity of their 401k funds and perhaps most telling, have they had a good bowel movement today. Merry, indeed.

— Rep. Sal Dennison,
Ohio

Should Cashiers Say ‘Merry Christmas’ to customers?

Yes, but only to the Jewish ones, just to see what kind of reaction they get.

— Rabbi Moses Edelberger,
Cincinnati, Ohio

Should a prosecutor be able to indict a sitting President?

“Only if he’s a lying, racist, ignorant criminal. Other than that, sure, why not?”

— Dr. Franklin Bamalabiddi,
Criminology Professor,
MIT

A prison worker was seduced by a convicted murderer and helped him escape.

It was foolish and dangerous. I meet all my convicted murderers on eHarmony.

— Letitia Fomnincha,
Fast Food Supervisor,
Fort Worth, TX

Dennis Hastert had sex with male students. Does that make him gay?

Depends on what he was wearing at the time.

— Chad Ordenhaever,
Barrista,
New Haven, CT

Should Caitlyn Jenner be allowed to use the ladies’ room?

“After she takes a few private lessons, and with enough practice, I don’t see why not.”

— Jennifer Turrow
Sleep Study Intern
Hope, Arkansas

A City in Indonesia Has Banned Female Flatulence in Public.

“As long as they have an exception for rape and incest, I guess I’m okay with it…”

Paula Balaban,
Kindergarten Teacher,
Bangor, ME

Should the Government Be Allowed to Collect Our Phone Numbers?

What difference does it make? They’ll have their way with me, then I’ll wait by the phone all day and they’ll never call. They never do.

— Nancy Korr,
Student,
Miami, FL

Should Texas cheerleaders be allowed to hold up bible verses during games?

“Only if they’re sucking the backup quarterback’s dick at the same time.”

–James Z. Marquetta,
Backup Quarterback,
Stone Pony High School,
Dallas, TX

Alec Baldwin Gets Removed from Plane

Did American Airlines act properly when it removed Alec Baldwin from a plane for not turning off his cell phone prior to take-off?

“It was completely wrong of the airline to treat Mr. Baldwin in this manner, and I blame the flight attendant for not knowing how big a star he is. You just don’t go around kicking big stars off of airplanes, no matter what.”

 –Alec Baldwin
Famous Actor
New York, NY

Should the Government Pay to Remove Crack Houses in Blighted Neighborhoods?

“To tear down a whole house just for a few minor repairs doesn’t make any sense. Wouldn’t it be money better spent to fill in the cracks of these otherwise inhabitable homes and give a pathetic street junkie a warm place to stay to do his drug deals?”

— Brittany Headstrong,
Pharmacist,
Manhattan, KS

Comedy Writer

If the Presidential Election Were Held Today, for Whom Would You Vote?

“Michele Bachmann, definitely. I look forward to at least four years of listening to her thoughtful discourse and well-reasoned policy positions. In addition, I feel she will do the most to ensure my future job security.”

— Ben LaDroit
Writer
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart