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Bush seeks new country to bungle
CRAWFORD — Having recently traded in his White House address for a suburban home in this quiet Texas community, former President George Bush has expressed his desire to reenter public life by becoming the leader of some other yet-to-be-determined country. “He’s been kinda fidgety,” said a close friend. “He really
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Republican Scientists Claim Gravity a Scam
The Republican National Committee’s Scientific Advisory Board today issued a report negating claims of an “invisible force that pulls things toward the center of the Earth.” “Sheer nonsense,”
White House Faces Foreclosure
A “Notice of Foreclosure Sale” was issued for the White House on Friday, informing the occupants they have 30 days to vacate the premises before it is sold at auction. According to loan documents, the United States Government, listed as the owner of
Bush Appoints Self for Third Term
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move unprecedented in any previous administration, President Bush signed an executive order appointing himself president for a third term. Calling the November elections
Bush Library: “Not in my Backyard”
WASHINGTON, DC — The creation of the George W. Bush Presidential Library hit yet another snag this
Cheney to Build Abu Ghraib Amusement Park
PHILADELPHIA, PA – After completing his final term in office, Vice President Dick Cheney plans to build a theme park inspired by the infamous Baghdad prison complex . Located just outside
Bush Soils Constitution
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA — In a press conference last Friday, Dr. Lamont Dandle, head curator for the National Archives, announced that one of the remaining original, handwritten copies of the United States Constitution had been damaged beyond repair —
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Senators Seek to Legalize Bribery, Solicitation of Gay Sex
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senators Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) and Larry Craig (R-Idaho) have introduced legislation that would make it legal for elected officials to accept bribes and solicit gay prostitutes in public facilities. The Senators introduced their legislation,
New Bush Advisor: Obama
Citing Barack Obama’s “wisdom beyond his years,” President Bush revealed today that he will be heeding the senator’s advice and counsel over the remaining months of his presidency. According to a White House insider, the president watches every speech made by Senator Obama, whose televised
Bush IQ: Mild Mental Retardation
WASHINGTON, DC — Researchers at the National Archives today uncovered a stack of the president’s test scores from the 1960s. On a standardized IQ test given to him in seventh grade, President Bush scored a 57, which is within the range of mental retardation. “Psychiatrists consider a score
