Religion

Jesus' Suicide Note Unearthed

JERUSALEM — New archaeological evidence uncovered over the weekend suggests that Jesus was not sentenced to crucifixion by the Roman Empire as previously believed, but that he committed suicide by nailing his own writsts to the cross.

Ted Haggard to Start Youth Camp for Sexy Boys

COLORADO SPRINGS — Disgraced minister Ted Haggard will be establishing a youth camp for good-looking teen boys. A press release issued from Haggard’s bedroom touts the camp as a “place for handsome teenage males to explore their attractiveness and bond with other like-bodied boys and an older man.”

Mormons Okay Gay Polygamy

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said it would be willing to amend the controversial Proposition 8 initiative to allow same-sex marriages with multiple spouses.