Science & Tech

Scientific Community Bans Cloning of Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Huckabee Sanders and her Clone

The International Order of Concerned Scientists has concluded that the cloning of Ms. Sanders would unleash unintended consequences and must be prevented at all costs.

EPA to Allow Feces in Drinking Water

WASHINGTON ( — Beginning Monday, water from your sink faucet may have a familiar odor to it – but not one normally associated with the kitchen tap. Calling the prohibition against feces in drinking water “over-regulation run amok,” Environmental Protection Agency Chief Scott Pruitt today ordered his department to stop enforcing it. “It’s not the […]

Uranus to Appear as Large as Donald Trump’s Head on August 27th

Donald Trump and the planet Uranus

PASADENA, CA ( — Star viewers will be in for a real treat on August 27, when Uranus will appear to be as big as Donald Trump’s head. This celestial happening occurs once every 50,000 years, thus the last people to witness this event were Cro-Magnons — who, coincidentally, comprise a majority of Trump supporters. […]

Urine Recycling Big Business in California

SACRAMENTO ( — In the midst of the worst drought ever recorded in the history of the Golden State, thirsty residents are turning to recycled urine dispensaries to quench themselves and their families.  Businesses have sprouted up and down the state, processing human urine and bottling it for human consumption. “It’s just like the astronauts […]

NASA Disappointed that Pluto Looks ‘Kinda Like the ‘Moon’

LAUREL, MD ( — After nine years and millions of dollars, NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft has sent back images of Pluto, revealing it to be “just another spherical, dusty orb.” “We’ve been looking forward to this day for almost a decade,” said a NASA spokesperson, “and to finally see it looks just like our own […]

Bones Found in Desert Belong to Skeleton

MOJAVE, CA  ( — Several bones and bone fragments discovered in the desert have been identified as belonging to a skeleton, according to Blythe Arrobow, a professor of anthropology at the University of California, Berkeley. “We’re not sure what type of bones these are,” explained Arrobow, “but they’re definitely from a skeleton.” The bones, hard […]

GOP Alternative to Obamacare: Insurance by Skin Color

WASHINGTON ( – Conservative think tank The Heritage Foundation proposed on Monday a system of healthcare that would base insurance rates on the color of a person’s skin.  Heritage CEO Jim DeMint described the program as “the perfect antidote to Obamacare. “ “Very simply, the nearer your skin color is to God’s preferred Lilly White,” […]

Congressional Hearing Reveals Millions Have Trouble Signing Up for Death Panels

WASHINGTON ( — In yet another blow to the launch of the Affordable Care Act, users who tried to sign up for death panel benefits experienced delays and error messages, according to testimony delivered before the House Ways and Means Committee Tuesday.  Medicare chief Marilyn Tavenner told lawmakers that over 70 thousand applicants were unable […]

Dr. Murray to Open Celebrity Sleep Clinic

Beverly Hills ( — Dr. Conrad Murray, the former personal physician to the late pop icon Michael Jackson, plans to open a new medical clinic specializing in the treatment of sleep disorders, which he says would cater primarily to an upscale celebrity clientele. Murray claimed that despite being convicted of murdering Jackson and subsequently spending […]

New iPhone Hybrid Has Gasoline Engine That Kicks In When Power Dies

CUPERTINO, CA ( – Apple has announced the release of its new iPhone H hybrid, the first smart phone to include a gasoline engine that kicks in when the battery loses its charge. CEO Tim Cook hailed the product as a technological breakthrough that will allows consumers to use their phones for up to 15 […]