Skunk Nation

Bush Soils Constitution

George Bush's Soiled Constitution

In a press conference last Friday, Dr. Lamont Dandle, head curator for the National Archives, announced that one of the remaining original, handwritten copies of the United States Constitution had been damaged beyond repair — and President Bush was to blame.

Congress Outsources Workload to Malaysia

Government Outsourcing

WASHINGTON, DC—The United States Congress is outsourcing its workload to a contactor in Malaysia, according to a report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office. Beginning this month, the laborious task of lawmaking will be sent to the Tengku Wan Consulting and Sewage Company in Kuala Lumpur.

Bill Clinton Kicks Reporter’s Ass

Bill Clinton Kicks Ass

WEST PALM BEACH, FL — A reporter was nearly beaten to death last night after a confrontation with former president Bill Clinton, who was vacationing in the resort town with his family.

Disgruntled Former White House Staffers Critical of Disgruntled Former White House Staffer

Disgruntled former White House press secretary Scott McClellan has come under fire from other disgruntled former White House staff members for his book, What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception, which suggests that President Bush had purposely misled the public.

Bush IQ: Mild Mental Retardation

New WOrlds to Conquer

WASHINGTON, DC — Researchers at the National Archives today uncovered a stack of the president’s test scores from the 1960s. On a standardized IQ test given to him in seventh grade, President Bush scored a 57, which is within the range of mental retardation. “Psychiatrists consider a score in the high fifties to be only […]

McCain to Balance Budget with Nigerian Advance-Fee Plan

John McCain's Plan to Balance Budget

WASHINGTON, DC — Senator John McCain announced an unexpected windfall profit is headed our way and he will use it to pay off the national debt.