Sports
UCLA Blames Crushing 0-50 Loss on ‘Lousy Players’
LOS ANGELES (TheSkunk.org) — UCLA Coach Rick Neuheisel blamed Saturday night’s colossal 0-50 loss against rival USC on “lousy players.”
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Vancouver Extends Olympics Three Years
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Unwilling to part with an event that has brought global recognition to their city, Vancouver authorities have declared they will be extending the 2010 Winter Olympics for another three years.
Rejected Super Bowl Commercials | #6
Number six in a collection of Super Bowl commercials that CBS refused to air.
Rejected Super Bowl Commercials | #5
Number five in a collection of Super Bowl commercials the networks refused to air.
Rejected Super Bowl Commercials | #4
Number four in a collection of Super Bowl commercials the TV networks refused to air.
Rejected Super Bowl Commercials | #3
Number three in a collection of Super Bowl commercials rejected or banned by the TV networks.
Rejected Super Bowl Commercials | #2
Number two in a collection of Super Bowl commercials rejected or banned by the TV networks.
Rejected Super Bowl Commercials | #1
A collection of Super Bowl commercials the TV networks refused to air.
Super Bowl Delayed to Give Fan Time to Purchase TV
Superbowl XLIV has been delayed indefinitely today, to give dock worker Harry Archburn enough time to purchase his first HD television set, return home and install it in time for the big game.
Tiger Woods to Endorse Sperm Bank
DENVER — On the heels of Gatorade and other major companies terminating their sponsorship agreements with Tiger Woods, the Heritage Sperm Repository of Colorado Springs has announced a major endorsement deal with the renowned golfer.
Michael Vick Signed to ‘Fighting Bulldogs’
SALEM, OR – NFL expansion team, the “Fighting Bulldogs” – who have been struggling every season to fill their stadium — have signed a two-year, $500 million dollar deal with disgraced quarterback Michael Vick, the former football star who served 19 months in federal prison for his conviction on running a dogfighting ring.
Magic Accuse Lakers of Greasing Balls
After losing the 2009 NBA Finals 4-1, Orlando players have accused the Lakers of applying a foreign substance to the basketball to make it easier for them to score.
Cheney to Host Waterboarding Finals
NEW YORK — ESPN has entered into an agreement with former vice president Dick Cheney to host the 2009 Waterboarding Finals, to be broadcast live from Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Phelps Scores Endorsement Deal with Bong Manufacturer
HUMBOLDT COUNTY, CA — Gold Medalist Michael Phelps has signed a three-year endorsement agreement with Toke-Rite Industries, the world’s largest manufacturer of bongs and other marijuana paraphernalia.
Palestinian Athlete Refuses to Breathe Same Air as Israeli Team
A Palestinian Olympic swimmer has declared he will not “breathe the same air” as the Israeli athletes.
Chinese Accuse Phelps of Performance Enhancement
BEIJING — Olympic gold-medalist Michael Phelps has been accused by Chinese officials of ingesting highly nutritious substances to enhance his performance in the swimming events. Chow Li Lo, the president of China’s Olympic Committee, says initial tests showed increased levels of vitamins, antioxidants and “other nutrients” in Phelps’s blood.
