TV Listings

FOX 8:00PM ET/PT

The Jobs Report

Steve Jobs returns to earth as a ghost, communicating with mortals through an iPhone and scaring the sh*t out of Apple CEO Tim Cook.

CBS 9:30PM ET/PT

Detective Dan, Professional Crap Sniffer

Detective Dan can identify over 3000 different varieties of feces just by smelling them, yet he still can’t find a woman to settle down with.

TBS 8:00PM ET/PT

The Vomitorium

James Belushi stars as a scientist who gets caught in a time-warp and travels back to ancient Rome, where he is hired as an inspector for the city-state’s vomitoriums.

Fox Fri. 9 p.m. EDT/9 p.m.

All Those Neggahs

Joe and Alice Neggah, a middle-class, white couple from rural Kentucky, move their family into a house on a cul-de-sac in East Los Angeles, where they are affectionately known as “Those Neggahs Down the Street.” From Executive Producer Glenn Beck.

ABC FAMILY 8:00 p.m.EST/7:00 p.m.

Temptation Alley

16-year-old Billy Jones discovers his family’s house is located behind a magical alley inhabited by magical women, all of whom are willing to have sex with him in exchange for money or heroine.

CBS 9:00 EDT/8:00

Ice Penis

A detective whose penis was blown off in bomb blast has it surgically replaced with a new one made of ice. Follow his exploits as he fights crime and upholds American values, while maintaining the temperature of his pants a cool 30 degrees Fahrenheit. Stars Charlie Sheen.

ABC Sun. 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m.

Befuddled Old Woman

From the producers of “The Amazing Race.” An elderly woman suffering from Alzheimer’s disease is airlifted to various locations around the world and told to find her way back home. Host: Simon Cowell.

Comedy Central Wed. 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m.

Foghorn’s Leghorn

The famous 8-foot Looney Tunes rooster stars as the owner of a legal brothel in Nevada, called “The Roost.” Stars Chuck Woolery.

FOX 7 p.m. EDT/6 p.m.

Me Too Out of Three

Panel of celebrities has to figure out which one of three contestants has not been sexually harassed by Donald Trump.

ABC 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m.

I Am Christ

A man who claims to be Jesus Christ confronts the realities of skepticism in 21st Century Chicago, when people refuse to believe in him. Stars Chuck Norris.