Filed Under: "conservatives"

Sandusky for President

Sandusky to Enter Republican Primary Race

November 15, 2011

STATE COLLEGE, PA — Former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky has thrown his hat into the 2012 Republican presidential primary race.

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Repealing the Ten Commandments

GOP Candidates Call Ten Commandments ‘Over-Regulation’; Would Repeal Five of Them

By • on November 4, 2011

AUSTIN, TX– The GOP presidential candidates believe the Ten Commandments are nothing more than job-killing over-regulation, and have vowed to repeal at least five of them. Although Governor Rick Perry won a 2005 Supreme Court battle allowing God’s ten famous laws to be displayed publicly

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Jesse Helms for President 2012

Republicans Seek to Draft Corpse of Jesse Helms to Run in Presidential Primaries

By • on October 26, 2011

RALEIGH, NC — Disappointed with the current crop of GOP contenders seeking their party’s presidential nomination, Republican officials are trying to persuade the corpse of the late Senator Jesse Helms to enter the 2012 primary race. Helms’s corpse, which turned 90 in July, has so far

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Gingrich used taxpayer funds for anal bleaching

Gingrich Paid for Anal Bleachings with Government Funds

By • on April 6, 2011

WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — According to a statement from the Justice Department, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich paid for multiple anal bleachings during his tenure in Congress using money from his office’s general fund. The DOJ report claims that from 1993-1999 the presidential

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Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann to Open Nationwide Chain of Abortion Clinics

By • on March 1, 2011

WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), vocal advocate for smaller government and Tea Party favorite, has licensed her name and likeness to a new chain of nationwide abortion clinics. Michelle Bachmann’s Old-Fashioned Back-Alley Pregnancy Termination Centers will be located

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Tea Party Protesters

Tea Party Offers Pledge to America

By • on October 27, 2010

A Tea Party Pledge to America We as Republicans, under the guise of a separate entity known as the Tea Party, offer the following: A Plan to Improve the Constitution We will repeal and replace the First Amendment with the Second. We will add Fox News as the newly created fourth branch of government. A

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Palins Fans

Palin Fans Can’t Read Book

By • on December 8, 2009

FORKS BEND, KY – Some fans of Sarah Palin were disappointed with the former Alaska Governor’s best seller, “Going Rogue,” when they realized they were unable to decipher its contents. “Quite, frankly, I thought there’d be more pictures in it,” explained Riley Bartod,

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GOP Removes Family Values from Platform

GOP Removes ‘Family Values’ from Platform

By • on June 25, 2009

WASHINGTON, DC — The Republican National Committee announced today it will be removing the much-hyped “Family Values” agenda from its platform. Since the early 1980s, when President Reagan and former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich gave birth to the so-called “Republican Revolution,”

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Justice for the Airlines

Republicans File Bankruptcy in Court of Ideas

By • on February 20, 2009

WASHINGTON, D.C.  – The Republican National Committee filed for bankruptcy today in the U.S. Court of Ideas, citing decades of doctrines that don’t work and an inability to generate new thoughts and workable models for society. The GOP has been operating on an idea deficit for decades,

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Oral-Anal Transplant

Rush Limbaugh to Receive Oral-Anal Transplant

By • on August 28, 2008

WASHINGTON, DC — Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has undergone the world’s first successful oral-anal transplant.  The procedure, pioneered by Dr. Kenneth Fargonian of Bethesda Naval Hospital, involves surgically removing the patient’s anus and mouth, swapping them with one

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