Filed Under: "conservatives"
Sandusky to Enter Republican Primary Race
STATE COLLEGE, PA — Former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky has thrown his hat into the 2012 Republican presidential primary race.
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GOP Candidates Call Ten Commandments ‘Over-Regulation’; Would Repeal Five of Them
AUSTIN, TX– The GOP presidential candidates believe the Ten Commandments are nothing more than job-killing over-regulation, and have vowed to repeal at least five of them. Although Governor Rick Perry won a 2005 Supreme Court battle allowing God’s ten famous laws to be displayed publicly
Republicans Seek to Draft Corpse of Jesse Helms to Run in Presidential Primaries
RALEIGH, NC — Disappointed with the current crop of GOP contenders seeking their party’s presidential nomination, Republican officials are trying to persuade the corpse of the late Senator Jesse Helms to enter the 2012 primary race. Helms’s corpse, which turned 90 in July, has so far
Gingrich Paid for Anal Bleachings with Government Funds
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — According to a statement from the Justice Department, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich paid for multiple anal bleachings during his tenure in Congress using money from his office’s general fund. The DOJ report claims that from 1993-1999 the presidential
Michele Bachmann to Open Nationwide Chain of Abortion Clinics
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), vocal advocate for smaller government and Tea Party favorite, has licensed her name and likeness to a new chain of nationwide abortion clinics. Michelle Bachmann’s Old-Fashioned Back-Alley Pregnancy Termination Centers will be located
Tea Party Offers Pledge to America
A Tea Party Pledge to America We as Republicans, under the guise of a separate entity known as the Tea Party, offer the following: A Plan to Improve the Constitution We will repeal and replace the First Amendment with the Second. We will add Fox News as the newly created fourth branch of government. A
Palin Fans Can’t Read Book
FORKS BEND, KY – Some fans of Sarah Palin were disappointed with the former Alaska Governor’s best seller, “Going Rogue,” when they realized they were unable to decipher its contents. “Quite, frankly, I thought there’d be more pictures in it,” explained Riley Bartod,
GOP Removes ‘Family Values’ from Platform
WASHINGTON, DC — The Republican National Committee announced today it will be removing the much-hyped “Family Values” agenda from its platform. Since the early 1980s, when President Reagan and former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich gave birth to the so-called “Republican Revolution,”
Republicans File Bankruptcy in Court of Ideas
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Republican National Committee filed for bankruptcy today in the U.S. Court of Ideas, citing decades of doctrines that don’t work and an inability to generate new thoughts and workable models for society. The GOP has been operating on an idea deficit for decades,
Rush Limbaugh to Receive Oral-Anal Transplant
WASHINGTON, DC — Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has undergone the world’s first successful oral-anal transplant. The procedure, pioneered by Dr. Kenneth Fargonian of Bethesda Naval Hospital, involves surgically removing the patient’s anus and mouth, swapping them with one
