NEW YORK (TheSkunk.org) – Unable to book any GOP presidential candidates for a debate he is scheduled to moderate later this month, millionaire businessman Donald Trump today announced he will be debating his own penis.
The format of the debate, to be televised by COX Broadcasting, will be “freestyle one-on-one,” according to the real estate mogul cum reality host. “It’ll be one man and one penis discussing the stimulating issues facing our country.”
Trump is best known as the developer of some of the world’s largest erections, including apartment buildings, hotels, and casinos.
“I always tell people not to underestimate my penis,” said Trump. “It’s head isn’t as big as mine, but it’s very smart.”
Trump brushed off accusations the debate is nothing more than a publicity stunt, insisting viewers will be “enlightened and entertained” listening to him share ideas on the economy and foreign policy with his perspicacious genital organ.
“It’s going to be a wonderful two-hours of television for the whole family,” said Trump, who has invited several impoverished school children to be part of the audience. “You’re really going to see the two of us shake things up.”
Trump claims to have the best debating penis in the world. “I’ve never heard of another penis that can get to the thrust of a topic like mine,” he noted. “It’s up on all the issues and it’s very quick, but I think I can beat it.”
The debate will be interesting, according to Trump, because he and his penis approach subjects from opposite ends. “We don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything,” he said. “We can each be very hardheaded.”
Trump, who claims to be a master debater, said he has been preparing for this ever since he was a teenager. “My penis engages me in important conversations every day, and I think the American people will be interested in what it has to say.”
Depending on the outcome of the debate, Trump said there is still a possibility he will enter the presidential race, most likely as a third-party candidate.
Would he consider choosing his penis as his running mate?
Said Trump: “It’s on my short list.”