Filed Under: "president"
Chris Christie Vows to Keep Eating Until He’s ‘Bigger Than Taft’
TRENTON, NJ — Governor Chris Christie responded today to criticism of his obesity by announcing plans to continue expanding his waistline until he is “bigger and heavier than that fat fuck William Taft.”
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Herman Cain Predicts Country will Mourn his Death More than Steve Jobs
CUPERTINO, CA — Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain told reporters today that when he passes away, he will be missed “way more” than Apple CEO Steve Jobs. Commenting on the death of the admired tech inventor and digital guru, Cain, the former CEO of the Godfather’s Pizza
America’s Visa Gold Card Cancelled
WASHINGTON, D.C. (TheSkunk.org) — In a letter addressed to President Obama, a representative with Singapore Airlines Visa Gold Rewards Card informed the U.S. government that it is $17 billion over its credit limit and charge privileges have been terminated, effective immediately. The President
Obama Promises to Kill New Bad Guy Every Month
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Still basking in the warmth of the successful May 1 mission that ended the life of the world’s most-wanted criminal, President Obama has pledged to have a new bad guy murdered every month. Since the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden earlier this week, Americans
Gingrich Paid for Anal Bleachings with Government Funds
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — According to a statement from the Justice Department, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich paid for multiple anal bleachings during his tenure in Congress using money from his office’s general fund. The DOJ report claims that from 1993-1999 the presidential
Kucinich Demands Recount
LAKEWOOD, OHIO — Over a year has passed since the 2008 presidential election, and Dennis Kucinich still thinks he won. “I am confident,” said Kucinich, “that once the American people examine the facts, they will agree that I am their president.” The Democratic congressman
Tell-All Book Trashes William Henry Harrison Administration
NEW YORK — A new biography hitting bookstore shelves on Friday paints a dim portrait of President William Henry Harrison. According to the book, “The Do-Nothing President,” Harrison – who died in 1841 after only 31 days in office – was the most “unaccomplished Chief Executive our country
Ahmadinejad Gets Key Endorsement from Himself
TEHRAN, Iran – Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad formally endorsed himself for a second term as president Monday in a ceremony that sought to quell discontent among Iranians, by declaring himself a leader worthy of his own acclamation. “I am pleased to inform the Iranian people that I,
Bush Seeks New Country to Bungle
CRAWFORD, TX – Having recently traded in his White House address for a suburban home in this quiet Texas community, former President George Bush has expressed his desire to reenter public life by becoming the leader of some other yet-to-be-determined country. “He’s been kinda fidgety,”
Hillary Hits the Trail for 2016
NEW YORK — Hillary Clinton, barely recovering from her defeat in the 2008 Democratic primaries, has announced her candidacy for the 2016 presidential election. Sen. Clinton said that the 101 months of rigorous campaigning between now and the 2016 election will give her the time she needs to ingrain
Guam Elects Ron Paul
The territory of Guam, in seeking its independence from the United States, has elected Ron Paul as its first ever president. “We really wanted our own president, very badly,” said an associate for the Guam Tourism Bureau. “Someone brought up Ron Paul, and we said, ‘Hey, why not?’” With no
