Cheney to Host Waterboarding Finals

NEW YORK — ESPN has entered into an agreement with former vice president Dick Cheney to host the 2009 Waterboarding Finals, to be broadcast live from Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The event, sponsored by the Haliburton Corporation, will pit intelligence agents from seven countries against one another in a contest to see who can gather the most information from their respective suspects.

“Mr. Cheney has been a lifelong fan of this event and is highly honored to be associated with its debut as a commercial competition,” said a spokesperson for the former vice president. ““He’s looking forward to watching the best and the brightest operatives go toe-to-toe in this highly specialized field.”